You know you're married when ...

1. When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before I unpause the show we are watching?

2. Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly while you were watching golf. The detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.

3. When I woke up from the car accident in a full-body cast, my wife was right at my bedside to tell me that childbirth was still more painful.


4. My wife is a total MILF (Mama I've Learned To Fear)

5. Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I've learned that you don't need to use so many paper towels, and they're expensive.

6. Marriage is basically texting each other "what do we need at the supermarket?" a bunch of times until one of you dies.

7. Married sext:

Her: Is it in.

Him: Not yet.

Her: Put it in now!

Him: Okay, it's in.

Her: And put the timer on. I'm not eating burnt lasagne again.

(Via: Twitter)

Overheard in an affair

When you're standing in a queue, it's difficult not to eavesdrop on the people next to you. One woman claims she couldn't help overhearing details of an affair in a petrol station. Instead of shrugging it off as none of her business, she decided to post the details on Facebook in an attempt to out the cheater. In her public appeal to the man's wife, she wrote: "If your husband's called Neil, went to work in an unironed shirt this morning and you're flying to ***** on Saturday ... [sic] He's currently stood getting coffee (3 sugars) in a petrol station in ******* with 'Mrs Smith' ... planning a night with her in the Premier Inn near **** tonight. He's going to tell you he's working in ***** and can't get back."

Form fury

"I get very pissed off when filling in forms and 'NZ European' is the only option near what I am," writes Janet. "I am a fifth generation New Zealander. Saying that I am NZ European just states I have white skin. Why can't they just put New Zealander as an option. Why all this division?"

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