Monday

Natalia:

I gave it to him straight. I don't believe in holding back. I had to tell him exactly what I thought of him for the sake of my artistic credibility, because the fact of the matter is that I'm embarrassed to be on the same karaoke show as him.

I said, "Where do I start? And once I start, will I ever finish? No, don't interrupt; I'll be the judge of that.

"Okay. Your face. It's like a drip suspended at the end of a faucet. It's a long, wet face, and it's got a smirk on it. Let me wipe it off for you with my fist.

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"Your suit. The suit's actually fine. I'm a good judge of clothes. The problem is that it's got you inside it, and the two of you don't belong together. The suit is embarrassed to be seen with you. I have more in common with that suit than you do.

"Moving on to your talent. You have none. I know that's neither here nor there in the present circumstances and it'd actually be pretty shocking if anyone on X Factor had any talent. It's not what the show is about. It's about whether people like you.

"No one likes you. No one cares whether you live or die. You stand in judgment before me and my verdict is that you should rot in hell. You're not even human. Ugh! I just stepped in something. You."

Willy: So I said to her, "I could say much the same about you. But why don't we save it for some poor sap on tonight's show?"

Tuesday

Natalia:

I told him to pack only what we needed.

Willy: I packed black leather jackets, black pants and black face masks.

Wednesday

Natalia:

The service in this town is terrible. I don't know how the other celebrities put up with it.

Willy: It's worse in Los Angeles than it is in New Zealand. In New Zealand, they pester you for autographs, they auction your sheets on Trade Me, they come up to you in bakeries and act so badly that you've got no choice but to call them a currant.

But in Los Angeles, they leave you alone.

We both wore dark glasses because we're very sensitive to light. Photo / GVK/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images
We both wore dark glasses because we're very sensitive to light. Photo / GVK/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images

Natalia:

We went out for a meal. We both wore dark glasses because we're very sensitive to light.

Willy: We got there at midnight. That's how we roll.

Natalia: I felt like toast.

Willy: I said to Natalia that's funny because you are toast.

Natalia: I said to Willy well then you better order custard.

Willy: I said to Natalia you're a complete currant.

Natalia: So we sat there chatting for like 30 minutes and the waiter didn't come anywhere near us. It was as though he was ignoring us.

Willy: In the end I had to reach out and grab his arm while he was trying to rush past our table. I said to him, "Excuse me, but don't you know who we are?"

Natalia: And he pulled a face like he was going to be sick, and he said, "Yes. Yes, I do."

Thursday

Natalia:

I got on the phone to MediaWorks executive Julie Christie and said, "Listen, bitch, you owe us."

Willy: We're the victims here.

Natalia: I said, "Last week you were all like, 'Oh Natalia darling, oh Natalia you're so direct, keep pushing the envelope, it's just TV, the idiots will love it!' Yeah, thanks a lot, bitch."

Willy: They crucified us.

Natalia: I said, "And another thing, bitch," but she hung up. What a bitch.

Willy: We're like Jesus.

Friday

Natalia:

They say we're young and we don't know. We won't find out until we grow.

Willy: Well I don't know if all that's true. Cos you got me, and baby I got you.

Natalia and Willy: I got you babe. I got you babe. I got you babe.


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