Sex, drugs, arrests, human-cockatiel relations - eccentric Hollywood A-list Matthew McConaughey covers it all in a wideranging, and at times bizarre, new interview with Playboy magazine.
And if you're not the sort of person who buys Playboy - no, not even for the articles - we've collated some of the most enjoyably bonkers quotes from the 47-year-old Interstellar star below. Be warned, some of these anecdotes are quite graphic in their detail.
Here's Matthew McConaughey on:
The 'bongo incident'
McConaughey was arrested by Texas police in 1999 and charged with possession of marijuana after neighbours complained about music blaring from his house.
When the cops arrived, they found the actor dancing around naked and playing bongo drums.
"I saw the cop's eyes get big when he identified me, and it became, 'Oh, look what we've got here'. My first call was to my mother. I was feeling guilty because I was not raised to be in jail. What's wrong with beating on your drums in your birthday suit? I have no regrets about the way I got there. But what's the lesson? Shut the window that has the beautiful scent of jasmine blowing in because it's two in the morning and you might wake a neighbour."
'Selfishly' not cheating on his wife, Camila Alves
"I have been very faithful with my wife, very selfishly. I like being under her spell. I don't want to break that spell."
His dad's 'birds and the bees' talk
"I think I was 14 when Dad and I had our birds-and-bees talk. He goes, 'Hey, buddy, drop your pants. Let's see what you got. OK, now these right here?
"They're what really make a baby. And this little guy is where the semen comes out. I'm sure the old shower head's hit it a few times when you were playing with yourself and it felt great'. It was a man-to-man, son-to-dad talk. It was really cool and kind of took taboos off things."
How Playboy informed his understanding of female anatomy
"All I'd ever seen was Playboy photos of women standing up that I had hidden in the barn across the neighbourhood. They never exposed labia and stuff, so I always thought the vagina faced east-west. I got there and I'm like, Where is it? The next four inches down took me longer than the first hour, because now I'm going, Uh-oh, have I skipped it? Three hours later, I learned that it faces north-south and she was like, 'Come on, come on.' I was wonderfully, innocently misinformed."
A glowing endorsement of human-cockatiel CPR
"We had a pet cockatiel and came home one time and found it swirling around the bottom of the toilet, where it had fallen in. I remember Dad hitting his knees, tears coming down, and putting the bird's head in his mouth and blowing his lungs up just enough. Damn if that bird didn't flap back to life. He had that bird for another five years."
How his father died
"My father did die making love to my mother, by the way. That captures a lot of who my mum is."