London, Las Vegas, Berlin... Kaitāia?
One wannabe visitor to Aotearoa has locals in the Far Far North cracking up after claiming that he flew here in part to enjoy the nightlife in the small Northland town.
The man’s appearance on TVNZ’s Border Patrol this week raised eyebrows for a few reasons but it was his dedication to hitting the clubs in Kaitāia that drew the most mirth online.
The visitor from India was pulled up at Auckland International Airport after immigration officials raised issues with his visa documents.
He claimed to be here for six days, splitting his time between Auckland and Kaitāia, but that wasn’t what really set alarm bells off for officials.
As his bag was searched, he revealed that he was taking a six-day holiday as time off from his fishing business - but did not eat fish and was scared of the water - and it was this revelation that saw nervous staff refer him for further questioning.
Then, in his second interview, he dug himself an even deeper hole.
Asked why he wanted to visit Kaitāia, the man cited the beaches and the town’s nightlife as the key drawcard.
Kaitāia does have easy access to some of New Zealand’s most beautiful beaches - but the sleepy town is not well known for its cosmopolitan nightclub scene, to say the least.
The unfortunate traveller was also unlucky enough to meet an official who has whānau in the area and could see through his story instantly.
The official’s face said it all.
His plans for a few rages in Kaitāia, coupled with discrepancies in his travel documents, saw the man denied entry and put on the next plane home to India.
Locals could not help but see the funny side and chimed in online.
One noted that the hardest part of life for staff at the border would be “trying not to laugh” at the yarns spun by potential visitors.
Another said they were “still waiting for news of these parties and nightlife”.
“He’s about 20-plus years too late,” one local pointed out. “When there actually was a bit of a nightlife in Kaitāia.”
One local said that the local supermarket was the biggest drawcard in the evenings.
“Shopping at Packies till 9 is bout all the nightlife we have...” they wrote.
Some joked that the man had been “watching too much Far North on TV”, referencing the comedy retelling of the botched drug smuggling mission to nearby 90 Mile Beach.
Another Kaitāia resident with seemingly intimate knowledge of the rituals of life after dark wrote that any potential visitor could get more than they bargained for.
“The only nightlife in Kaitāia you’re getting mate is ganked and KO’d at your local Kauri Arms and Collards.”
More romantically, another suggested that the visitor’s stymied travel plans could have also put a stop to true love.
“Bummer, could have hooked up with the cuzzie ‘hangipants’ at the local during his big night out then caught the bus to beach were they’d have planned the wedding.
“Damn, what could have been.”