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This week's New Idea promises much this week with its "Kate Middleton's sex orgy scandal - and the Kiwi involved" cover headline.
But readers might feel a little underwhelmed when they discover inside it's not nearly as unseemly as it seems.
In fact Kate merely belongs to a group called The Sisterhood which is an all-female dragon boat racing team aiming to paddle across the English channel to raise money for charity.
The scandal?
Well the team leader Emma Sayle once owned, and is a shareholder of, an adult party business which among other things organises orgies. Kate recently joined the team, that's the rowing team, with former Wellington model and body sculptor Natalie Sisson.
Neither Kate nor Natalie had any involvement in the R18 parties, although they were "well aware" of the team leader's business interests.
In more confusing coverage we learn that royal biographer Andrew Morton says Posh Spice will be in heaven in Los Angeles where her skinny frame and enhanced breasts do not look out of place.
But earlier in the magazine we read how Posh actually needs a 10-point plan to become accepted in the US.
She has to ditch her skimpy outfits, enrol her boys in the Scouts and become a den mother, read up on American history and grow her hair.
In other celebrity news, Elle Macpherson despairs at pictures of her ex Arki Busson kissing Uma Thurman. It wasn't so long ago that he was canoodling with Jemima Khan.
The magazine features a pullout souvenir tribute to Princess Diana wearing some truly hideous outfits and also offers useful advice like how to tell your workmates they have bad breath.
We all know dogs have bad breath but that's not stopping Jennifer Aniston from taking her pooch Dolly to parties as a ring-in partner, according to Woman's Day that is.
But that is truly trivial compared to the magazine's major scoop that Prince William plans to invite Kate Middleton to Balmoral and surprise her with a proposal at the cottage where they first fell in love.
You might wonder about the surprise bit, but maybe the Woman's Day has figured Kate isn't a regular reader.
Already Kate, who likes training, is doing a fingers work-out preparing herself for a weighty engagement stone.
She is snapped wearing a "huge dazzler" on her middle finger which we bet she swaps to the one on the left when no one is looking.
Meanwhile, cheeky Prince Harry has allegedly pipped Will to the post by already proposing to Chelsy Davy but is forced to keep a secret, something Woman's Day seems to struggle with, by a disapproving palace.
And over 20 years their senior, Uncle Andrew is hardly proving much of a princely role model as the podgy royal parties it up in the French Riviera with a very hands-on approach to local beauties.
The main cover story is Brad Pitt begging Angelina Jolie to get into a rehab centre for her eating disorder.
Ange has not regained her appetite since the death of her mother from cancer.
Her health is the cause of even more arguments between the pair, with Brad taking to speeding off on his motorcycle once all the way from Prague to Berlin.
Over the page, Kirstie Alley is again eating too much, hitting the scales at 140kg.
She had made a big effort to lose weight to find a man but didn't, so it all came back on.
The New Zealand Woman's Weekly exposes that as a poor excuse as even celebrities like Reese Witherspoon, Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore also find it hard to find a nice guy but manage not to take it out on a burger and fries.
The cover story goes to Chris Cairns' wife Carin, who was trapped in a burning Belgian house with their young children.
Also on the cover is departing Breakfast host Kay Gregory, who inside says her fond farewells especially to co-host and good friend Paul Henry.
Henry is "quite sad" at the news of her departure and she "certainly had some tears" because he was always telling her how to manage her finances and to pick herself up if she had a bad day.
Gregory reveals how during their time on the telly together they developed a secret language no one else understood.
For instance, when Gregory tapped Henry on the knee it meant "pass me the weather" which makes you hope it wasn't going to be windy.
Despite the lack of onscreen chemistry it seemed it was all firing in the commercial breaks.
Henry says they would have the most ludicrous conversations about silly insignificant things which would have them in stitches.
He then adds how the knee tapping was really beginning to get on his nerves.
Gregory is a quality broadcaster and a lovely woman, Henry concludes "serious for once", according to the magazine.
We are left to wonder if all the stuff he said before, including he'd miss seeing her every morning, was a load of codswallop.
