Ready to quit? There are tactics to help cope with burnout and find motivation to stay in your job. Photo / Getty Images
Plus: How much does a reader owe a big tech company while planning to depart?
Q: I am really struggling to stay motivated. I attribute it to burnout at my previous job, perimenopause symptoms, being an empty nester, mild depression and just being “done” with work. I’m 52 and don’t see retirement coming any time soon, but need to pay college tuition for the next four years or so, so I don’t see a way out. Plus, I work for a company full of young, superintelligent high achievers, and I feel like I can’t keep up, nor do I want to. How can I make it through the next several years? - “Done” but not finished
A: It sounds as if there is a lot on your plate. I feel optimistic for you, though, mostly because I believe getting or staying motivated isn’t about pulling a lever marked “Motivated!”
It can be counter-productive to think about motivation as a binary. That shrouds the basic building blocks of a workday – the things that energise us, the things we dread, the natural lulls, the unglamorous necessities, the spikes of dopamine – in one catchall state.
Instead, I think in your case you want to alleviate ennui with productive novelty. And in many modern corporate settings there are opportunities to add that: a lunchtime speaker series, an employee resource group, tuition reimbursement toward learning new skills or languages, signing up to be a mentor or a short-term assignment on a different team.
This list may seem as bleak to you as most litanies of perimenopause symptoms. I realise you have written in to say: I don’t feel like doing anything. And I am saying: But what if you did even more things? Things you don’t even technically have to do to earn your paycheck to pay tuition to keep trudging through midlife.
What I am getting at, though, is this: what would it feel like not to change everything, but to change your routine for 45 minutes every other Tuesday?
Instead of the brick wall of your inbox, what if your view for a sliver of the day was practising conversational Spanish in the cafeteria or at a brown-bag lunch talk?
Or, perhaps even better, having coffee with a 30-something colleague who wants to talk with you about how you balanced your career with the demands of a family?
That could be a fruitful mentoring relationship, where the view of your path through a mentee’s eyes could potentially shift how you feel. But even if nothing as profound as that emerges, literally getting up and out of your current routine is likely to shake free some mental space and energy for the tasks that feel like a slog.
It’s not a magical motivational mantra. But it could be energising, even for an afternoon. And one energising afternoon can build momentum for a better morning the next day.
One other note: You say the company is full of “young, superintelligent high achievers”. That may be true, or that may be how it feels to you. I doubt you would have a role at a company full of high achievers if you didn’t also fit that description in some way. So proceed with confidence as you figure out what will be most energising to you at this stage of your career. You are done – with feeling exactly as you do now. That’s fair. The tools and skills you’ve used to get this far will get you somewhere different.
Q: I work for a big tech company in the San Francisco Bay Area as an engineer. Recently, the constant interruptions, the expectations of always being available and the meaninglessness of the work itself exacerbated my pre-existing mental health conditions to the point where I followed my doctor’s advice and took short-term medical leave.
Taking time off to explicitly address my health has been transformative. My dilemma is this: I realise that even if I could maintain my equanimity at my current job, I have no desire to. I plan to resign once my leave ends. It is ending soon but could be extended. There are legitimate arguments to be made that I could take more time to cement the gains I’ve made recently, but I feel somewhat guilty at the thought of asking for more time when I know I won’t go back.
Some have told me to think about it as a benefit I’m owed regardless of my future plans. To me it feels somewhat dishonest. Do I owe my boss, whom I like, any consideration? Or should I put myself first and take advantage of what my company and the state of California provide? - On leave or just leaving?
A: It sounds as if you have done your research, but just to get it all clear, I called Seema N. Patel, a professor at the University of California College of the Law, San Francisco, who specialises in workplace and employment law.
Per Patel: “Yes, the employee may absolutely avail themselves of the voluntary benefit and then leave the job – that is perfectly legal.”
But your real question is, as Patel put it, “What do we as society think about that?”
And, speaking on behalf of society, I’ll say this is a tricky one.
You don’t work for a mom-and-pop outfit, and I don’t think anyone’s heart is going to bleed for a big tech company that’s losing one employee after an extended paid medical leave.
That big tech company probably offers a good number of what Patel classifies as “voluntary benefits” – wellness programmes, meals, gym discounts and, yes, mental health leave.
“While these kinds of perks may seem extremely or especially generous or special, they evince greater returns for the employer who offers them than they do furnish the employees with the value of the benefit,” Patel said.
In other words, the value can be in creating an aura of being a generous employer, regardless of the reality of any individual’s day-to-day experience. If the company’s getting the aura of generosity, you should get the actual benefit.
If I were your manager, I would want you to take all the medical leave you need, focus on your recovery and wait before making up your mind on what to do after.
I wonder what it would feel like to decide instead: I am taking the extended medical leave and I am not yet thinking about what happens next. Then you could work with your health care provider on strategies for coping with stress, managing mood and maintaining boundaries around your time. In one sense, enacting those strategies while going back to a role you already know could be ideal. And it could set you up for the best chance of success in the future.
But if you know for sure you are done – or believe that even a short amount of time back in the old job would undo the progress you’ve made on your mental health – how can you depart in a maximally transparent and honest way? As your time away comes to an end, tell your manager that during medical leave, you realised that maintaining your mental health is not compatible with your current role and you are planning to resign. Then work with your manager to minimise any disruptions that could arise.
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.
Written by: Rachel Dry
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