There's a photo of my mum that took me by surprise. I never knew it existed until two weeks ago. In the photo my mum looks exactly like me.
I found the picture while we were on holiday together. Husbands abandoned. Houses descending into disarray. Girls away on a trip.
It's the first time we've gone on a mum-daughter holiday adventure. We weren't sure how this would end. Ten days, one jetlag and two bossy women could have ended in days of silent treatment broken only by the sound of doors slamming. It didn't end like that.
The holiday may have been one of the best things I've done as Elizabeth's daughter.
Not for the first time, but with the greatest clarity yet, this 30-year-old woman saw that 60-year-old woman as a complete and interesting person with her own friends from years back, her own hopes for the future and her own way of laughing to hide her shyness. For the first time I saw her as more than just my mother.
We were at my mum's school reunion. That was our excuse for taking the holiday. There she was with a glass of wine in her hand, surrounded by her school friends.
They were listening to someone's husband telling an elaborate story that started out being believable but soon became so ludicrous it couldn't possibly have happened. He reached the punchline. We all laughed, except my mum.
Instead, she yelled: "Did that really happen?" My mum's bestie leaned over and very quietly said, "She's gullible — she's always been like that."
It's true, but it had never occurred to me that she was gullible in a lifetime before I existed, and that I didn't need to explain my mum to these people.
Then my mum laughed at herself, probably to hide her shyness. And I didn't need to say anything to her friends because she probably laughed just like that at school.
I guess it's simply that growing up changes the way you see your parents. With a little more experience of my own to draw on I can properly appreciate the decisions my mum made. I think my mum's one of the bravest people I know. She's more forgiving than I can ever hope to be. She's fun to drink wine with.
On this holiday, I found out my mum won't lecture me if I tell her the things weighing on my mind. She told me she was proud of me for how kind I was to my grandmother.
That's funny, because it wasn't me spending an hour every day of our holiday doing my grandmother's makeup and hair, it was my mum.
In that photo I told you about, my mum is about 18, sitting next to her boyfriend with the hipster beard and terrible leather jacket. They're at a formal dinner. The camera's surprised her and she has the same look on her face that I have when I'm surprised.
So if I resemble my mum as a young woman I just need to look at her to see myself at 60. I hope I end up looking like her. But more importantly I hope I end up being like her. Happy Mother's Day, Mama. You're my hero.