A Wairarapa man says the nation's latest "Roastbusters" saga shows a need for honest talk about sex, consent, alcohol and respect.

Brad Martin, a Violence Free Wairarapa facilitator, spoke yesterday about a story where boys from an unknown secondary school somewhere in New Zealand had uploaded photos of themselves dangling genitals over drunk girls.

The boys had plied the girls with alcohol, and were running a competition on how many girls they could photograph in compromising positions.

They were let off with a warning by police, in a decision slammed by New Zealand Secondary Principals' Association executive member Patrick Walsh - who chairs a Government group charged with tackling cyber-bullying.


Mr Martin said the story, which appeared in the Herald on Sunday, made him angry also, but he is not interested in assigning blame.

"I am saying, 'let's talk about this'."

Mr Martin has been part of a police programme, Loves Me Not, which is travelling to secondary schools talking about respect in relationships.

He is also part of Mates and Dates, a five-week ACC programme also focused on respect in relationships, which is aimed at reducing the damage caused by sexual assault.

"We've been telling (teenagers) that sort of behaviour is not only morally wrong, but illegal, and there are consequences," Mr Martin said.

"What is it telling the victim of crimes like this?

"They've been violated. If there are no consequences, what are we telling the victims?"

The law says that "if someone is under the influence of alcohol or drugs, they can't give consent (to sexual behaviour)".


However when speaking to young people about these situations, "most of the kids thought it partly the fault of the young people who are drunk".

This belief means a young person could be sexually assaulted while drunk, and "not make a complaint because they think it's their fault".

"That then sets them out on a journey that is not healthy."

Mr Martin has known of cases where girls have been bullied, by their boyfriends, into taking naked pictures of themselves - and then threatening with the photographs being used against them if the relationship goes sour.

"It's becoming more and more acceptable to post naked pictures up," he said, blaming internet pornography for contributing to this culture.

"Porn is a real issue; we need to talk about it and the addictive nature of it," Mr Martin said.

"People see it and they think its a normal way to have sex and a normal way to treat women."

Mr Martin said society is seeing "more and more predatory behaviour by young people", which is a concern for those young people's future.

"If that's how their thinking is being wired, they won't be able to have healthy relationships, because they are used to (harmful) behaviour."

The old style of sexual education at school did not work, Mr Martin said.

"All it did was teach you how to have sex without catching anything."

Parental attitudes to alcohol also need to change, Mr Martin believes - as peer pressure is not limited to teenagers.

"So many parents think it's okay to buy under-18s unlimited quantities of alcohol; that causes so much harm," Mr Martin said.

"Parents think, 'Everyone else is doing it; they're giving in to the world's peer pressure."

The real message, Mr Martin said, is to teach respectful behaviour.

"And if it's around sex then consent; if someone is drunk they can't consent."