Chris Rattue: Money makes the world go round. It's just a pity that the ball is oval

Money and sport. It pops up everywhere.

I don't normally watch television in the morning - there are too many far more interesting things to do, like eating breakfast.

But yesterday was different. Having just been to the dentist, my mouth was in a condition that meant breakfast was out of the question.

So thanks to the dentist I lay on the floor, wondering when I would be able to eat next and also wondering when I could afford to eat next.

On came the TV. That was fortunate because, thanks to a TV talkback caller, it meant the day started with a good laugh.

Talkback television is a strange animal because it largely involves the puzzled face of the host filling up the screen while Jane from Johnsonville sorts out the economy. This is not good visually and after all, TV is a fairly visual sort of thing.

Here's an idea. Callers should have to send in home videos capturing them washing the dishes, cleaning the car, mowing the lawn or whatever, before they ring up.

These would be played during their calls, taking the pressure off the host, and enabling us to tell if the callers looked as crazy as their ideas.

The way it is now, it's tough on TV hosts who must look interested while some punter suggests bringing back hanging - for parking offences.

Anyway, this caller yesterday had the solution to the World Cup bonus problem. The rugby union should pay each All Black for each point they scored. That, quite obviously, would encourage players to score points. A very simple concept.

The host, rather understandably, found holes in this game plan and gave the sort of grimace which suggested that a steamroller had run over her toes.

And fair cop, caller.

Under this whizbang bonus system, Andrew Mehrtens would now own the South Island while Greg Somerville would be bedded down at the YMCA. Lawyers would end up getting involved when it came to tries from rolling mauls. As for substitutions ... players could sue their coaches for unfair dismissal - 20 times a year if necessary.

Still. It's nice to see the public coming up with innovative solutions.

While this particular bonus system is unlikely to be introduced, even the most simple and traditional of incentive schemes can come unstuck.

I remember the committee-man of a certain Auckland league club suggesting many years ago that he would be perfectly happy if his beloved team lost for the rest of the competition.

The season had started in a burst of enthusiasm with big signings, for club league anyway, and big weekly win bonuses of around $200.

Trouble is, the money wasn't talking. His mob were stuck near the foot of the table, had no chance of winning the title, the club had a cash crisis, and there was no point in parting with more money.

Money has that strange influence on the sporting emotions.

Try this experiment at home. When your favourite team is playing in say the Super 12, go down to the TAB and stick a week's wages on the opponents. Then see how loud you yell for your team during the game. You'll probably find strange gargling noises coming out of the throat, especially when they score.

Next week, put a week's wages on your team, and see if you don't scream a bit louder than usual if they win.

You even meet people these days whose match reports mainly involve detailing how close they came to picking the first try scorer and what the odds were.

Money in sport is not necessarily an evil thing, although it can be bloody annoying.

For example, the surface for the test between the All Blacks and Wallabies in Sydney looked like those advertising leaflets that clog up letterboxes. It was very distracting. About the only thing missing was the dotted lines indicating where you cut out the coupons.

Okay, so money does invade sport. It would be nice, though, if we could keep the playing fields advertisement-free.