Steve Braunias: The secret diary of the All Blacks opening game

COMMENT

STEVE HANSEN

If we lose the game by a massive margin, well look out, there will be hysteria and probably rightly so.

THE NEW ZEALAND PUBLIC

But we are already hysterical. The country's sense of wellbeing and confidence is hanging by a thread as the representatives of our national pride prepare to face the Springboks. Nothing else matters. Everything else is a sideshow, or a freak show.

JOHN TAMIHERE

Sieg heil.

STEVE HANSEN

You get two types, I reckon. You get those who definitely don't want us to win because it's not in their interests for us to win. Then you get the other group who desperately want us to win and they're all nervous because we haven't played any games.

THE NEW ZEALAND PUBLIC

We are the latter, and as stated previously, our nervousness is actually a mass hysteria. This is crunch time. This is it. Game on. Nothing else is of an importance. Everything else is just whatever.

SIMON BRIDGES

I think the Prime Minister knew about the allegations of sexual assault. I think the evidence backs all of that up.

STEVE HANSEN

If I could pick who's going to win this tournament, like half the people I've read about, I'd be a millionaire. I wouldn't be sitting here, I'd be off to the TAB and give up the job so I can have a punt.

THE NEW ZEALAND PUBLIC

Well he's just saying that. He doesn't mean it. He has every conviction and belief that the All Blacks are going to win this tournament. Because if we don't, well look out, there will be hysteria and probably rightly so. It's hard to think of anything that would make up for it.

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STEVE HANSEN

Referees go out to do the very best they can do and, yes, they don't get it right all the time and we've suffered from that just like other teams have. It's a big game. We just need to let the referee get on with it and prepare well for it himself.

THE NEW ZEALAND PUBLIC

The referee will cost us the game. Comments made by the Springboks that referees bow to the pressure, and give the All Blacks an easy ride, will backfire on us, and make referees especially vigilant. We're doomed.

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THE NEW ZEALAND PUBLIC

We're doomed.

STEVE HANSEN

As soon as we get this tournament under way we'll get rid of all that peripheral noise out there, and it's pretty meaningless noise too - people having opinions who have no idea of what's actually happening in some of these teams.

THE NEW ZEALAND PUBLIC

This is an insensitive way to describe our feelings, but point taken. It's just that the pressure is intolerable. Right now we all need someone to take our minds off things, to lighten the load, to remind us that life is full of clowns of no consequence or substance who we can laugh at.

JOHN TAMIHERE

Sieg heil.