NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Sport

The great Australian underdog swindle is a sporting scam

NZ Herald
4 Aug, 2015 09:30 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Quade Cooper of the Wallabies. Photo / Getty Images

Quade Cooper of the Wallabies. Photo / Getty Images

Opinion by
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

It should come as no surprise to close followers of the ever-peculiar Australian sporting psyche that most of the casual chat blowing in from the west this week has been about by how many points the All Blacks will win Saturday night's Rugby Championship final.

And why would we expect anything but a smokescreen from a nation that likes to spontaneously combust at every given opportunity?

You may buy this talk if you like, but the great Australian underdog swindle is a sporting scam that is generations old and never gets tired. It has sucked in many an unsuspecting victim in the past, and there's no doubt it will happen again. This is a nation of men who like to punch unsuspecting sea creatures, and English cricketers. This is a nation of men who hail as their hero a murderous gangster with a penchant for wearing a kettle barbecue on his noggin.

There was that time when an Australian rugby player viciously attacked poor Richard Loe's elbow with his bare nose.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

On another occasion, sensing their vulnerability to the seemingly unstoppable force that is Richie McCaw, the Wallabies called upon a man who would strike fear into the hearts of the most hardened pack of forwards. Yes, they got Quade Cooper to knee McCaw in the head. Oh! The humanity! So cruel can this mob be that even that most memorable George Gregan taunt of "four more years" was designed just to give the All Blacks hope.

And now they're up to their usual tricks: talking up the All Blacks publicly, feigning genuflection at the princely feet of the perennial number one side, all while scheming behind closed doors in the kind of scene that would make Blackadder blush. There is nothing new here. They've been up to the same old tricks for years. In fact, if anything, they're getting less original.

How else do you explain the fact that both the backs coach and the first five-eighths have the same name? This may very well be a weekend at Bernie's but if so, which Bernie's?

If you're the kind of person who likes to find parallels with the present in rugby's history books, then look no further than the 1991 and 1999 seasons, when the Australians proved more than a handful for the All Blacks in the Sydney tests that immediately preceded the Rugby World Cup. In 1991 it was a 21-12 defeat and in 1999 it was 28-7.

Correct me if I'm wrong but the Wallabies would go on to win both World Cups.

Don't think for a second that they haven't thought of that. They hold on to all the wins, this mob; and put them in their deep pockets, out of reach of their short arms.

Discover more

All Blacks

All Blacks boots are all black

04 Aug 03:37 AM
Sport|rugby

Rugby: Fiji trump Samoa, win Pacific Nations Cup

04 Aug 04:17 AM
All Blacks

Rugby: Veteran centre not done yet

04 Aug 05:00 PM
All Blacks

All Blacks ready for aggressive Wallabies

04 Aug 05:00 PM

Oh, they'll know all right. Not that they like to show off. Australians are gracious types, capable of paying the most genuine of compliments to all who deign to dent their collective sporting pride, as the All Blacks have done for, well, I've lost track.

Needless to say the Bledisloe Cup is now at risk of being permanently scented by the distinctive hoppiness of a New Zealand lager, and that would be motivation enough for most right-thinking Australians to take their chance this weekend.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The great Australian midfielder Tim Horan used to say that drinking from the Bledisloe Cup was like standing in the face of a beer tsunami. Apparently, sipping from the big silver cup requires a man to hold his breath in the fashion of a Greek pearl diver until his face has been covered to brow height in foam.

Then, and only then, does the beer start to flow.

Old mate Timmy tells that story now, in hushed tones, around campfires, to primary school kids. It is as much a part of the lost history of Australia as Burke and Wills' expedition shopping list.

And here they go again, talking themselves down, throwing about the kind of compliments that would make Brad Haddin physically sick. And the worst part of it is this: they know they're a real chance against the All Blacks in Sydney this week, but victory would be all the sweeter for Mick Cheika's men if the knock- out blow is a sucker punch.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Sport

Live
Boxing

David Nyika returns with TKO win; SBW and Gallen set to settle feud

Live
Black Caps

Black Caps face South Africa as Rob Walter era begins

Premium
Opinion

Ranked: The 30 greatest fast bowlers in test history


Sponsored

Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Sport

David Nyika returns with TKO win; SBW and Gallen set to settle feud
Live
Boxing

David Nyika returns with TKO win; SBW and Gallen set to settle feud

Follow the action as Sonny Bill Williams and Paul Gallen square off in Sydney.

16 Jul 09:31 AM
Black Caps face South Africa as Rob Walter era begins
Live
Black Caps

Black Caps face South Africa as Rob Walter era begins

16 Jul 09:30 AM
Premium
Premium
Ranked: The 30 greatest fast bowlers in test history
Opinion

Ranked: The 30 greatest fast bowlers in test history

16 Jul 04:01 AM


Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky
Sponsored

Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky

06 Jul 09:47 PM
NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP