SuperShorts: Of ham and halal

Fussy eaters, those Afghan lads. For some reason they declined the kind offer of ham-and-cheese toastie down in Napier where they played during the under-19 World Cup. Strangely enough, they didn't fancy eating food banned in the Koran. Fancy that! (Wonder what they'd make of Griffins Afghans?)

Diego nose the subject
Argentina's coach and legendary cokehead Diego Maradona has been asked to front an anti-drug campaign in Uruguay. A sound choice: Maradona always knew when to say "when" (typically it was an hour or so before kickoff). He was kicked out of the 1994 World Cup for a positive drugs test and once nearly died of a cocaine overdose.

SuperShorts is reminded of a line by comedian Denis Leary: We can't do any drugs, Diego - there are none left! You did them all.

Worth a bob or two
Not that we at SuperShorts sit about endlessly replaying YouTube footage of female athletes' wardrobe malfunctions, but British Olympian Gillian Cooke's recent butt-revealing calamity is a doozy and raises a pertinent question: Who would have thought bobsledders wore G-strings? (But thank God they do.)

Bunch of Scilly sods
It must be tough for Auckland City and Waitakere United, the two big fish in the NZFC bowl. With seemingly little steady competition outside of Auckland, the two clubs typically spend their season beating up on minnows while plotting for their derby encounters - such as tomorrow at Fred Taylor Park. But if that derby gets a tad repetitious, then spare a thought for Woolpack Wanderers and Garrison Gunners, the only two teams on the Isle of Scilly. They play each other 13 times a season in the local two-team league.

Sacre bleu, my old China!
We're not ones to make light of France's ill-deserved reputation for collaboration, but events in Calais raise an eyebrow. After London beat Paris for the 2012 Olympic hosting rights, most Frenchmen were devastated, but not Dominique Dupilet, head of the Pas-de-Calais county council.

"We are the south of England," says Dupilet. "And because we're the south of England it's normal that we would associate ourselves with this extraordinary event."

The proud Brits of Calais hope to attract athletes for pre-Games training and believe their town is the ideal place to stay for spectators hoping to see the events.

The fish-and-chip loving Frogs point out that it's quicker to get from Calais to London by Eurostar than it is to travel crosstown in London.

"My colleague was telling me to write a condolence card when Paris lost," says Dupilet. "But I hoisted the British flag!"

Apparently it's the custom among some Frenchmen to keep a few spare flags of foreign nations tucked away in the attic. After all, you never know ...