Stand on my foot, I'll break your leg.
A little extreme yes, but I'm beginning to think the 'gentle encouragement' philosophy around covid straying sports teams who visit our shores needs to move to the 'brutal enforcement' brand of persuasion.
The West Indian and now Pakistani quarantine flirtations beggar belief and should infuriate both fans of the game and New Zealanders who couldn't care less about the absurdities of chasing a leather sphere around a lawn.
The Pakistan team, who have arrived in New Zealand with six players testing positive for Covid 19, have been caught on CCTV at their managed isolation premises showing no respect for social distancing, mingling in corridors, sharing food and not wearing masks.
Former Pakistan fast bowler Shoaib Akhtar has waded in with an astonishingly arrogant YouTube post telling NZC to behave themselves in light of the stern warning issued to the errant team.
"I want to give a message to New Zealand board that this is not a club team, it's Pakistan national cricket team.
"You will get the broadcasting rights money. So, you should be indebted to us that we decided to tour your country in such difficult times.
"You are talking about Pakistan - the greatest country on the planet - so behave yourself and stop giving such statement. Be careful next time. Pakistan team now needs to smash them in T20 series."
This from a man whose country has suffered over 380,000 cases and nearly 8000 deaths.
If I want advice on 160kph in-swinging Yorkers I'll call, but as far as pandemic advice is concerned, I'll stick with the knowledge of Dr Ashley Bloomfield.
Rawalpindi Express, stay on your own track.
I love cricket. There's an understatement. I'm willing to cop the possibility of an inferior TV product (Sparks cumbersome engagement compared to Sky's ease of access) and the termination of the timeless and riveting Waddle and Coney radio experience, because the game means so much to me. I'll even endure the fiscal worship that is the seat of NZCs T20 fascination.
But what I won't accept is the leniency shown to the tourists who openly flout our quarantine restrictions.
The careless hallway antics indulged in by members of the West Indian team should have been the first and only strike for sporting teams visiting our shores. I would've gone so far as to send the transgressors home immediately, a demonstrative act underlining the gravity of our border restrictions. This may have made for a weakened opposition, but would have served as a stark reminder to all sporting tourists that we will not tolerate any exploitation of our restrictions. I would have thrown the book at NZC too, serving them with a financial punishment that would scream to the sporting world "You are lucky to be here, play our game, or you won't play the game".
Now the children (because this latest incident is a reflection of the immature thought processes behind the protocol breaching) caught behaving in a startlingly entitled manner at the Chateau find themselves in hot water, but not enough to scald. They should find themselves in a plane, punishment burning in their ears as they fly home.
This may sound excessive but sport is a luxury, not a necessity. The hosts and the tourists are very fortunate to find themselves in a position to be able to go about their business in this essentially pandemic free paradise. We must make an example of anyone playing fast and loose with our border generosity with no hint of ambiguity.
You stand on my foot, I'll break your leg. Surely even the worst player in the team can field that concept?