Winner: Rugby, if it makes this change
Another round of Super Rugby, another week of "who gives a stuff?".
Too many people at the top of New Zealand's sports exist in a bubble, remote from real life and immune from the results of their actions.
This brings us to New Zealand Rugby HQ.
CEO Mark Robinson has his strengths no doubt, but he doesn't strike me as a leader, the guy who should be at the very top.
Rugby needs a new, charismatic, vibrant boss who can inspire people in this country, influence those abroad and help the game reconnect with the public.
There are things that need debate, such as NZR's bizarre obsession with pulling star players out of its premier competition (that's Super Rugby people).
Pre-determining when people are tired or not is ridiculous, and the concept erodes the competition's legitimacy. The effects have helped push rugby well down the road to catastrophe.
No professional sport in the world lets the central body take control of team selection. This tinkering from above kills vibrant rivalries because it turns the whole game into branch offices.
You may disagree with my assessments and inferences, but surely such an outrageous way of running a sport should be heavily debated. Yet nobody says boo.
Look at what Peter V'landys has been able to achieve with the NRL in Australia because he treasures the audience.
More than anything, I'm staggered at the lack of reaction as rugby slowly sinks.
Doesn't anybody care? Do they think the All Blacks are going to save them? Do people think the All Blacks will continue to thrive if the professional competition under it falls apart?
For those who say the answer lies in NZR's pursuit of a world league, tell me what progress has ever been made on that complicated score?
And the evidence provided by Super Rugby actually says that spreading a rugby competition around the globe is a plane trip to major problems.
Winner: Golf, if it does this
Lydia Ko, Ryan Fox and Steven Alker are doing amazing things around the world. I doubt we've ever had such constant Kiwi success, with players in contention for titles almost every week right now.
But it would be much more exciting if we had a superstar in the men's game, to match what Ko achieved.
Golf is booming, but surely New Zealand can produce someone who is established as a leading player on the PGA and challenges for major titles.
Are we really doing enough to turn golf talent into world-class stardom?
Winner: NFL, if Tom Brady…
…takes his new job as lead analyst for Fox seriously. And he should, considering the genius quarterback will get a reported $600m for 10 years in the commentary booth once he retires.
Can you believe that number? Staggering.
His presence will certainly get me watching even more NFL. The thought of American football's greatest mind/winner dissecting games is mouth-watering.
The outstanding quarterback brothers Eli and Peyton Manning had a channel to run their eye over live games last year, and it made for fascinating analysis.
Switching to the standard coverage, the Mannings' insights made the regular commentary feel out of touch.
Hopefully, Brady isn't just a show pony who is simply there to bolster Fox's power and status.
Winner: Kevin De Bruyne…
…no ifs or buts. The Belgian midfielder's four-goal stunner for Manchester City against Wolves in the English Premier League emphasised what a rare footballer he is.
Winner: England cricket, if it does this
Join the real world. New coach Brendon McCullum's biggest opponent will be outdated expectations. England still thinks it has a right to rule.
Winner: Penrith, if they do this
Hold their current form. If the Panthers do, they are unbeatable. The way Ivan Cleary's side dismantled the superb although injury-hit Melbourne Storm was a sight to behold. The Panthers turned the season's most anticipated clash into a fizzer. It was a stunningly ruthless display.
Winners: People who love football video games…
…if Fifa knows what it is doing. Football's ruling body wants to amp up the genre and will partner with various companies after the exclusive licensing agreement with Electronic Arts ended.
There's a bigger point here, and one I don't think rugby in particular understands.
The world has moved on from believing that sport is all about what happens on the field and winning.
The actual game day action is a surprisingly small part of the sports universe. It is simply a catalyst for so many more things, and the pace of this change will only accelerate.
Either join the party, or get left behind.