There’s a saying Melissa Mallaby has repeatedly posted on her Facebook page because it rings true for her: “Don’t judge somebody before you know what they are going through.”
She wishes people would bear that in mind when they meet her. At 46, she has had to deal with more than her fair share of challenges. Born with cerebral palsy after her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck during delivery, she has always had learning difficulties. In childhood she developed asthma and gut issues, including diverticulitis, which still cause problems.
As an adult, she has had to deal with cancer CN3 and strokes and suffers from a syndrome called mal de debarquement, which results in impaired balance. She has metal plates in her back and struggles to use her legs after breaking her back in an incident at home 10 years ago.
“I do sometimes think, how can one person go through so much?” says Mallaby, who lives with constant pain. “I’ve had to deal with one thing after another and sometimes I wonder how I do it. But I am a fighter; I just have to be strong.”
Still, it’s disheartening when people don’t understand life is extra challenging for her because of her disabilities. She was recently harassed by a couple who berated her for parking her car – which has been modified so she can drive it without using her legs – in a mobility space. “I have a card but they thought I was able-bodied and had a go at me. That was pretty horrible.”
She has suffered bouts of depression, and admits she has been through “a really hard patch of not wanting to be here”. But she’s survived the tough times largely thanks to NorthAble Matapuna Hauora, a charitable trust that provides support services to help disabled people in Northland lead their best possible lives.
“NorthAble have been fantastic,” says Mallaby, who lives near Whangarei. “They have made all the difference to me and it’s brilliant to have them.”
NorthAble does everything from supplying equipment and resources through to providing advice and information. It has arranged for ramps and handrails to be installed in Mallaby’s home, organised someone to help her with cooking and showering, and assigned support staff she can contact when she needs assistance.
“At the moment they are trying to help me get a mobility scooter because it is getting harder for me to get around,” says Mallaby, who has to wear braces on her legs to be able to walk. “They are really good to talk to and so helpful.”
One NorthAble service she has found especially useful is the LYNKZ community programme for people who have learning, intellectual, physical or sensory disabilities or conditions. Daily activities are run from Monday to Thursday at a drop-in centre in Whangarei and include everything from classes and workshops through to outings to places like the beach.
Having a place to go where she knows she will be supported and accepted has been crucial, especially when she was going through her difficult patch. “It meant I wasn’t at home 24/7, which was good, and I could get back into the community. Being surrounded by people really helped me.”
LYNKZ also made a world of difference during the Covid lockdowns. Mallaby, who lives alone, and couldn’t see her daughter or two young grandsons because of the restrictions, appreciated the fact that staff held regular Zoom meetings and organised online events like quizzes and bingo.
One highlight was a video compiled from a series of clips of people catching and throwing a toilet roll. “It looked really good when they put it together and it was a lot of fun to do. Things like that were great.”
Mallaby particularly enjoys the craft sessions run by LYNKZ and has recently signed up to do a course on wellbeing designed to improve self-esteem and confidence. “The programmes really do help – the craft stuff is awesome and I do think learning skills has helped me to feel better about myself. It is so good knowing where I can go if I need to talk to someone or get more medical equipment.”
Mallaby’s health has deteriorated further in recent years and sometimes it’s hard to accept that she can’t do things like work or play with her grandsons, aged seven and three. Once employed as a carer in a rest home, she’s been told she may need residential care herself.
Knowing she is likely to become more dependent on others is not an easy thing to come to terms with – but it’s a comfort knowing NorthAble and the many services it offers are so accessible: “I really don’t know where I would be without them.”