Declutter the nutters

"Dear internet," writes Aucklander Adrian Dinsmore in a public Facebook post. "We need to talk about one of the biggest problems in the world right now, conspiratards.

"These people have stopped being laughable and funny, with their blatant disregard of facts and logic, and are becoming a real nuisance, like jock itch and people going through a 12 item or less checkout with 900 items.

"It's not just that they think their opinions are as important as facts or that they are unable to form logical arguments without fallacies or even that they think their 10 minutes of Google searching is equal to a research scientist's doctorate; no, it's the fact that their delusions are starting to impede research.

"Scientists have enough to deal with with getting grants and trying to explain things to politicians without having to also fight the veritable tsunami of ignorance from the tinfoil-hat brigade.


"I propose mass re-education for people who have little or no concept of basic science but who are of voting age. We cannot allow these mentalists to have any meaningful influence over the direction society takes.

"We are in serious danger of going backwards and this is unconscionable. Join me in putting science back where it belongs; firmly in front of opinion."

Ashes to ashes, mush to mush

Decomposition by water is considered the most environmental way to dispose of the dead. This, from The New Republic, describes the process of aquamation: "When she dies, she told me, she wants her body to be dunked in a high-pressure chamber filled with water and lye. That water will be heated to anywhere from 200 to 300 degrees, and in six to 12 hours her flesh, blood, and muscle will dissolve. When the water is drained, all that will remain in the tank are her bones and dental fillings. If her family desires, they can have her remains crushed into ash, to be displayed or buried or scattered."

Modern ad with 70s-era humour. Photo / Supplied
Modern ad with 70s-era humour. Photo / Supplied

Having a blast at school

"When I was at Auckland Grammar in the 1950s, a small group of us were into making gunpowder and letting off explosives," writes Paul Mortensen.

"One day we decided to let off one in the jail property next door. I had earlier gone to the Farmers hardware department in Hobson St, in my school uniform, bought 25 feet (7.6m) of blasting fuse and had to sign the [Explosives Book].

"At lunch time we set the 'bomb' in some rough ground in the jail property and lit it when the bell went for us all to go into hall. While all the boys were in hall it went off with a very loud bang, and to us in the know, thought the school shook. Not a word was said by the school's Headmaster."

Culprit likely a couple of shoes short of a pair

"Oh bless, Lois," writes a streetwise reader. "Your kind soul thinks they are someone's actual shoes. I think the more likely answer is some dimwitted thief stole them from a store, thinking they were a complete pair! Upon realising, probably biffed them in the agapanthus bushes."