Out-of-office envy

A reader who is working through the holiday season says she's getting a lot of out-of-office replies but this one made her smile ... It reads: "I apologise if my out-of-office notification gave you false hopes of a swift and enthusiastic response, however if you are reading this automated message you can rest assured your email is now waiting patiently in my inbox (which thankfully, has not accompanied me on my annual leave). By the time you receive this, I am most likely cruising through the Whitsunday Islands where the biggest decisions of my day will be what time is actually too early for my first cocktail and am I wearing enough mozzie repellent. I will also be super busy choosing the appropriate SPF while setting my alarm to make sure I know it's time to switch sides! ... I'll be sure to respond to your email following the 08th January 2018, as this is when I will have transitioned back into work mode feeling relaxed, refreshed and ready to kick some big goals for the New Year!"

Close encounters *555 hotline.

1. We followed a driver all the way from Oratia to Piha because we thought they were pissed/stoned — the classic driving style of the inebriated includes braking whenever an oncoming car approaches, hugging the centre line and crossing it on blind corners and indicating on a bend.


2. Travelling south on the hilly, windy road between Waihi and Whangamata we were horrified to see a skateboarder hurtling down the road at breakneck speed. Rang the *555 number and hope he was apprehended — a disaster waiting to happen.

(Send your *555 stories to Sideswipe)

Retirement Commissioner replies

A reader was upset the Retirement Commission was renamed the Commission for Financial Capability. Retirement Commissioner Diane Maxwell offers some comfort and an explanation: "The Commission for Financial Capability or CFFC, as we've been known for three years now, is a significant improvement on the previous name which was the Commission for Financial Literacy and Retirement Income. CFFC may not be perfect but it reflects what we do. My title stays Retirement Commissioner because it is in the legislation. I would have thought there were many more outrageous things to get outraged about really. Otherwise life just gets quite small."