Brutally honest dating profiles

1. Married father of two. Not looking to cheat but if you want to make me feel like you totally would that'd be great. Will waste all of your time.

2. I am the penultimate girlfriend. Date me for at least six months and whoever you go out with next will seem so awesome that you'll marry her, have two kids, buy a nice house and live happily ever after. Guaranteed results, multiple testimonials available.

3. Dating is an inherently pointless mechanism of trial and error designed to expose you to multitudes of emotions, most of which aren't enjoyable nor experimental, most of which you don't have to experience but are societally told you must, most of which irritate my bowels. So does coffee. Let's get coffee.

4. I'm doing this online dating thing because I'm kinda lonely, a little horny, but mostly ambivalent about dating. So chances are that unless you're really hot or just generally out of my league, I'll probably just flirt with you a little online then lose interest.


5. I just want a best friend of the opposite sex with added benefits.


Meatballs lead to mighty hunt

After a correctly addressed package ended up at a wrong address in Christchurch the rightful owner received this message via Facebook: "Hi there Hugh, I have received a package - contents meatballs - that's addressed to you. We have the same address, but different city. I am in Christchurch and the package doesn't have a phone number on it. Could you please contact the person that you purchased the meatballs off and ask them to pick up the package and courier it to you ... I can store the box in the fridge for you."

Hugh was impressed this person tried to find him but, he adds: "I was not ordering meatballs. It was a car side-mirror in a meatballs box."

Undies for Aunties pour in

After a request in Sideswipe for donations of new underwear from The Aunties (for South Auckland Women's Refuges) readers filled up head Auntie Jackie's car on Monday morning. I'm impressed. Thanks so much to all the kind-hearted readers, and keep 'em coming! You can send new undies for the women and children to: The Aunties, PO BOX 76638, Manukau, Auckland 2241.

Developing world cable install

This cable work in Mt Eden Road reminds a reader of Hanoi.
This cable work in Mt Eden Road reminds a reader of Hanoi. "The bin liners give it total number-eight wire cred," he adds.

Twitter burn

Clickbait links

1.The best real estate listing you will ever read...

2.The biggest gelatinous lollie you will ever see...

3.The stupidest made up word created by blending of two separate words you will read today...

We are living in a material world

What rampant materialism looks like...Read the story here.

Video pick

New Order's Blue Monday as you have never heard it before...

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