Strange crop circle appears overnight in Boston Rd. Any ideas?

Bleak years lie ahead in vast bedspace
"During our 44-year marriage there is barely a handful of times we have slept apart," writes Sandra of Pakuranga. "So what occurred last night was quite devastating. Into bed, I tossed and turned, threw my legs out in search of the mate's legs. Called out at various times where are you? Moved my arms across the bed to feel skin against skin, but to no avail. I was getting very distressed about the situation with the consequence that sleep evaded me. The warmth of his body was what I needed and it just wasn't there. I felt both abandoned and lonely and the very sad thing about this is that it will be for the rest of our lives. No, he hasn't left me or our bed. We have after all these years upgraded from the double to a king size. Tonight we may have a game of chaser 'coz there certainly is room."

Snippy riposte for moaning ravers
Police in Newry, Northern Ireland found out about an illegal rave organised on social media and announced the cancellation of the party on their Facebook page - unhappy would-be ravers accused them of "ruining summer". But instead of fobbing them off with a boring comms statement, Newry police hit back with some cutting sarcasm: "Seriously, we have ruined every young person's summer in the whole world ever by telling you not to go to an unlicensed, unregulated carry-on in a field in the middle of the countryside which just happens to be close to a quarry, how mean are we?" police said in their Facebook comment. "Perhaps your summer would be better if we let this go ahead and you go so off your face on drink and drugs that somehow you thought it was a good idea to try and fly off the cliff edge into the quarry. Excellent plan, I say not. Whose summer would that make so much better? Or better still, how good would the summer be if you were searched going to this and we found your stash of drugs then we took you to court and you got a conviction for drugs offences and maybe a prison sentence? Seriously, WISE UP." (Source: Dazed

Pork mince with gummy bears doubtless aims to entice the kids.