Aussie explains it slowly

A senior moment: A Hamilton pensioner emailed Aussie toothpaste company to say he had to cut open the tube with a Stanley knife to get at the big bit left at the end because his fingers weren't strong enough to squeeze it out. He says: "Then a concerned call from Colgate in which transtasman Tina tactfully pointed out that the cap not only flips open. You can unscrew it too. Doh!"

Hilarious nights out at ethnic eateries

Real Dear Abby letters answered by sarcastic humorists ...


Q: "My husband and I often eat at local ethnic restaurants. When we're at a Mexican restaurant, I often throw a couple of 'arribas!' into our conversation. When we're at an Italian restaurant, I will sometimes use an Italian accent to say 'pizza pie-a!' My husband tells me it's offensive. My comments are made in the spirit of fun. What do you think?

A: "Unfortunately, what your husband doesn't understand is that because white people are normal and everyone else talks funny, it is the height of comedy to yell words in half-cocked imitations of what you, the normal white person, think non-white people sound like. So what's wrong with laughing about how hilarious their yapping is, since English is the official language of the world and has been since Jesus created the United States back at the beginning of time?" (Source:

Did you know ...
1. All expecting mothers in Finland can receive a "starter box" of baby clothes, bedding, nappies and toys from the government for free. The bedding fits the box so you can use it as a bassinet.

2. In 1971 a 17-year-old was sucked out of a plane after it was struck by lightning over a Peruvian rainforest. She fell 3.2km to the ground still strapped to her chair and lived, only to endure a nine-day walk to get help.

3. E.T. was originally planned as a horror movie - featuring aliens who can kill "by the touch of a long, bony finger". (Source: Today I Learned on

Picture this #1: To get these pictures for her End Times exhibition LA-based photographer Jill Greenberg first gave her pre-school subjects lollipops and then took them away. It has caused controversy with some critics saying it is tantamount to child abuse. Greenberg says the sweets were quickly returned once the shot was taken and that she wanted to depict what she says reminded her of the "helplessness and anger I feel about our current political and social situation."

Picture this #2: The display of yellow hard hats outside the stock exchange in Milan, Italy on 13 February, 2013 is an art installation symbolizing the devastated Italian construction industry as part of the construction association's 'Day of Anger'.

A reader writes: "When that I had fractured my T2 and T3 vertebrae on "The Blob" at Waimarino Adventure Park in Tauranga the park's manager initially responded by offering me a complimentary double pass to return when I had recovered. Hello!? I fractured my spine ....MY SPINE! I'm certainly not getting back on that horse. Here is the actual footage."

* Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana here.