Dear celebrities, enough with the cringe apologies already. No, seriously.
We aren’t even at the end of 2023 and yet it feels like it’s been the year of the celebrity public apology and, I think it’s safe to say, none of them have been a roaring success.
We are spoilt for choice this year when it comes to listing celebrity apologies, so here are some of my personal favourites, in no particular order.
Easily the most bizarre to top the list has to be YouTuber Colleen Ballinger when earlier this year she attempted to respond to allegations of child grooming and having inappropriate relationships with under-age fans.
I’m not quite sure what I would do if I were in her shoes, but I can sure as heck guarantee that I wouldn’t be posting a 10-minute video of myself singing and strumming a ukulele. I wish I were making this up but nope, despite being “strongly advised” against it by her management team, Ballinger really thought that the best response would be a sing-song about how we all “make mistakes” and then proceed to blame the “toxic gossip train” and cancel culture instead of actually taking accountability.
It was extremely uncomfortable to watch and, suffice it to say, it really didn’t do her any favours.
Second up, the Drew Barrymore vs writers strike sit-down apology video, which was magically deleted less than 24 hours after it was first shared.
My celebrity crush on Barrymore spans decades, and I’ve always been heavily invested in her cool girl-next-door, slightly goofy, sweet-as-apple-pie image. I mean, the woman had me so emotionally invested when she serendipitously discovered a hidden window during her home renovation that I cried. That is the emotional choke hold Barrymore has on me, so it hurts me to my core that she’s made this list. Alas, here we are. On September 10, after announcing that her daytime talk show, The Drew Barrymore Show would be resuming sans her writers during the ongoing WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes, the backlash was swift.
Barrymore has been heavily criticised by industry insiders, actors, writers and fans alike and was accused of being a “scab” (ouch) - an insult used for people who leave or refuse to join a union to take a striking worker’s job. So what does Drew do? Well, she found the plainest background in her house and sat down to make a good old-fashioned sit-down “apology” video.
It wasn’t great. In fact, the video read more along the lines of: “I’m sorry you’re all upset with me, but I’m not changing my mind, love you, kisses.” Even though she was quick to delete the video, her failed attempt at sincere remorse is etched in my brain. I can’t unsee it. The fact that she was so utterly tone-deaf and compared the ongoing WGA strike to the pandemic, was just gross.
Speaking of gross, imagine being Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis and writing character letters in defence of good friend and former That ′70s Show co-star Danny Masterton in the hope that the judge would give him a more lenient sentence for rape. Yes, it’s as vile as it sounds. The letters of support, which were obtained and published by reporter Tory Ortega, largely acknowledged the fact that Masterton was found guilty of drugging and raping two women in 2003, but vouch for his character despite that fact.
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis wrote character letters in defence of good friend and former That 70′s Show co-star Danny Masterton during his rape trial. Photo / FilmMagic
Honestly, I think they were just sorry that the letters they’d written were made public because they basically double-down on it in their cringe “apology” video.
The whole thing was incredibly staged in a way that had all the hallmarks of a classic celeb apology. Inconspicuous background wall aka “poor wall”? Check. Not a lick of makeup, plus unkempt hair and wardrobe? Check. Carefully scripted? Check.
All the most important ingredients were combined in an attempt to appear as humble and relatable as possible. Except they forget the part where their lives are anything but relatable.
Most of us understand celebrity apologies are just carefully curated attempts to protect their brand image and lucrative careers, rather than out of real remorse or regret.
Perhaps I’m a jaded cynic, but I much prefer the good old days when celebrities weren’t embarrassingly attempting to cosplay as everyday Joe Bloggs, and they had their PR issue a heavily manufactured statement.
The moral of the story? Don’t say you’re sorry unless you actually mean it. Especially if you’re famous.
