The Prime Minister's Oranga Tamariki Awards: How former state ward Journey-Free Parata is breaking the cycle of abuse

Journey-Free Parata is studying a law degree at the University of Auckland and also has ambitions to join the Navy. Photo / Alex Burton

Children in state care - who number around 5500 this year - have previously been described by the Office of the Children's Commissioner as some of the most vulnerable kids in the country, often coming from homes where violence, abuse and neglect are a normal part of day-to-day life.

Many also end up over-represented in prison, on the streets and addicted to drugs and alcohol, the office's 2010 report into their care found.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

The Herald on Sunday meets a former state ward taking a different path.

Journey-Free Parata hasn't quite decided what she wants to do with her life yet.

She might be a family lawyer who advocates for at-risk young people, like the lawyer who looked after her own interests growing up in state care.

Or she might follow the dream first sparked on a school visit to Devonport Naval Base, when the kindness of a Navy welfare officer kindled in her a desire to follow the same path.

For now, the 19-year-old has just finished her first year of a law degree at the University of Auckland and is considering joining the Navy next year, with a plan to continue her studies on a Defence Force scholarship while learning a trade.

Whatever she decides, Parata, who next month will receive one of 29 Prime Minister's Oranga Tamariki Awards recognising young people who've been in state care, knows she has options.

And she knows, whatever she chooses, she can do it.

It might not always have been that way.

Parata was born into a home with "a lot of gang involvement", where drugs, alcohol and "lots of violence" were a normal part of life.

At 8, she was removed from her family and placed in the care of the state.

"It was very traumatic. I think I had a lot stripped away from me and, in the moment, I didn't realise [being removed] was a good thing, because it was so normal to me.

"It was a good thing but it was also really hard, because I never felt a sense of belonging with other people."

In the 10 years until she turned 18, Parata was placed with caregivers in seven different homes. Some were a positive experience, some were not and included verbal and physical abuse.

"My first caregivers … I felt like it was very money driven. They didn't quite understand the love we [state wards] need. It's not just our parents didn't love us - we need healing."

The most significant placement occurred when Parata was put in the care of a British couple when she was 12.

"They just loved and nurtured me, and I think that was a turning point, [realising] that I was capable of being loved.

"Because growing up I thought, 'I'm not worthy of love, I'm not worthy of the love of my parents', and I know that was just a thought and so then they switched the narrative for me."

Children in state care are some of the most vulnerable kids in the country, often coming from homes where violence, abuse and neglect are a normal part of day-to-day life. Photo / 123RF

When the couple had to return to Britain to care for their unwell elderly parents two years later, they tried to adopt her so she could go with them, but were unsuccessful, Parata said.

"It was a thing that Māori can't go with other ethnicities or something, but I still maintain a relationship and I still view them the same way … [that] they were my parents."

After unsuccessful placements with another three caregivers, Parata was placed with a woman she already knew through the support Oranga Tamariki offers children in care.

The woman, who supported Parata to go to boarding school at St Peter's College in Cambridge and then on to university, became "my backbone", Parata said.

"My last carer, she believed in me. She's pushed me in so many situations and she's guided me and always been supportive in everything I've wanted to do, both her and her ex-husband."

Her young life was one where she told herself "not to get attached" and focused hard on adapting to how others lived, even though it could be very hard.

But it was also a life where she had to teach herself to be kind - to others, and herself, Parata said.

"I think I just knew from a very young age that I had to be compassionate. You kind of just have to give love to every situation. That's what's made me want to help people.

"I had to make myself believe that it would be okay, and with that change of thought I was able to shape what I wanted and I made the most of being in care."

Journey-Free Parata used to blame her parents for failing to be able to care for her as a child - she was put into state care aged 8 - but she now understands why. Photo / Alex Burton

Parata, who has Samoan and Māori heritage (Tainui and Whakatōhea iwi), is sharing her story because she wants to change public perceptions about those who grow up in state care.

"They just assume we're bad people, when we're not. We just haven't received love, perhaps, or the nurturing that's allowed us to be good people.

"We're not products of our past. I'm definitely not a product of my past, gosh."

Parata has no contact with her mother, but stayed in touch with her father until his death last year.

She said she no longer blamed her parents for being unable to care for her, but was also determined their path wouldn't be hers.

"They didn't come from good lives themselves ... I used to blame them, but I had to forgive them because I knew, that's [only] what they knew. It was inter-generational behaviours.

"So that's a huge thing for me, just breaking the cycle. That's very commonly said from people within state care - it's about breaking the cycles, and it's important because I know that it stops with me now.

"I'm not gonna pass on that trauma, but instead heal it, so the future of me can be good."