It wouldn't have been Waitangi Day without a bit of agonising, this year over issues ranging from dental care to housing. February 6 has come and gone with apparently less than usual unpleasantness. Mud went unflung, and buttocks remained unbared. There wasn't a wet eye in the Treaty House. The only people whose behaviour incurred opprobrium were a few politicians, and that's only to be expected, because they don't know any better.
Given that the document which it commemorates was seen as an attempt to do the right thing 180 years ago, it's appropriate to use the day to accentuate the positive. If we focus on what's wrong with bicultural relations for the other 364 days of the year (365 in 2020), that seems about the right balance.
The day is not without its paradoxes. As health, imprisonment, educational and other statistics continue to paint a sorry picture of Māori welfare, especially in contrast to that of Europeans, Pākehā and Māori cultures are coming closer together in other ways. What was once a one-way street of European influence is now seeing movement in both directions.
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Te reo Māori is more and more visible in everything from revised (strictly speaking, "restored") place names, to bilingual signage at the supermarket – an initiative by one Pākehā store manager in a Tokoroa Countdown that has now spread though the company.
For an even more dramatic indication of the promising state of bicultural relations you need look no further than the success of The Casketeers and the persons of Francis and Kaiora Tipene.
A feel-good documentary series about Māori funeral directors was always going to be a bit of a gamble. But it was one that paid off for the inspired team that conceived The Casketeers.
The couple represent a bringing together of cultures in a way that is natural and unforced. They just do what they do because it feels right. Their practice is conscious but not contrived.
Gradually and ever so gently, Māori culture is becoming part of everyone's life and nowhere is this trend more evident than in how we handle death. Not so very long ago, European funerals were uptight straight-laced affairs. Bodies were kept in funeral homes between death and despatch. Caskets were no frills. Ceremonies were rigidly structured with perhaps a couple of hymns and one eulogy. No Eric Clapton. No opportunity for anyone who'd like to say a few words.
The practices of tangihanga are now taken for granted at some Pākehā funerals. It has been a natural, organic evolution without legislation, protest or mass-media tub-thumping to make it happen.
Not the least remarkable thing about the Tipenes' success is that it has touched a chord not just with the people of Aotearoa New Zealand but with millions of others around the world. It demonstrates that we are never more likely to impress than when we are most ourselves.
Viewers cite the programme as showing them a positive and meaningful way to deal with the inevitable reality of death and frequently express envy that they don't have access to such practices.
Somehow, seeing death handled with such dignity and aroha answers a need for certainty in a world gone mad.
Full disclosure: Life as a Casketeer, Francis and Kaiora's story in their own words, ghost written by me, is out this week. I don't see why this should preclude me from writing about them in this space. After all, it's selling out without any help from me.