Steve Braunias: The secret diary of ... Greta Thunberg

Environmental activist Greta Thunberg, of Sweden, addresses the Climate Action Summit in the United Nations General Assembly. Photo / AP

COMMENT:

MIKE HOSKING:

Little girls should be seen and not heard.

DUNCAN GARNER:

Little girls should be rarely seen or heard.

GRETA THUNBERG:

I should be back at school.

MIKE HOSKING:

Bursting into tears! Oh come off it. It's not like her cat died.

DUNCAN GARNER:

She totally overplayed her hand at the UN - too dramatic. What's her problem?

GRETA THUNBERG:

People are dying.

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MIKE HOSKING:

Mike Hosking. Photo / Jason Oxenham

She suffers, like so many of her climate change lot, from a fantastic sense of self-entitlement. But there's a cure for her suffering. It's called shutting up.

DUNCAN GARNER:

Do your bit but don't become a climate freak. Nobody wants to listen to a freak! She should try shutting up.

GRETA THUNBERG:

To have a 67 per cent chance of staying below a 1.5C global temperature rise – the best odds given by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change — the world had 420 gigatons of carbon dioxide left to emit back on January 1, 2018. Today that figure is already down to less than 350 gigatons.

MIKE HOSKING:

Shut up.

DUNCAN GARNER:

Shut up.

GRETA THUNBERG:

The world is waking up. And change is coming, whether you like it or not.

MIKE HOSKING:

I don't like it.

DUNCAN GARNER:

Duncan Garner. Photo / Jason Oxenham

I don't like it.

GRETA THUNBERG:

The eyes of all future generations are upon you. And if you choose to fail us I say we will never forgive you. We will not let you get away with this.

MIKE HOSKING:

She's been badly let down by her parents. You have to wonder what their role was in this whole fiasco.

DUNCAN GARNER:

It all comes back to the parents, doesn't it? It's my understanding that they're Swedish. Well, enough said.

GRETA THUNBERG:

I honestly don't understand why adults would choose to spend their time mocking and threatening teenagers and children for promoting science, when they could do something good instead. I guess they must simply feel so threatened by us.

MIKE HOSKING:

Here's the deal. Greta Thunberg will grow up to become a Jacinda Ardern - and what worse fate is there than that?

DUNCAN GARNER:

Greta Thunberg, a hero for the young people? That's like saying Jacinda Ardern has any merit.

DONALD TRUMP:

She seems like a very happy young girl looking forward to a bright and wonderful future. So nice to see!

Yes, I've always had a lot of time for Jacinda Ardern.