MONDAY

Dear Jacinda Ardern

How's it going in New Zealandistan? Learned the whole of the Koran yet? Teaching it to the baby? Is your baby fat, by the way? No offence but that's something to keep an eye on. Fat people are a drain on society.

Hey, you really rocked that hijab. But do you have matching accessories? I hear it's the height of Islamist terrorist fashion to co-ordinate the hijab with an explosive device.

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You've been strangely silent over the killings in Sri Lanka. I expect you to be dressed as the Pope, ringing church bells across New Zealand

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