JORDAN PETERSON

Jordan Peterson's presence in New Zealand is worrying because it threatens many of the basic values of our society.

We, the woke left, who are very concerned about the importance of basic values, have a duty to condemn his sexist, queerphobic, racist and deeply reactionary views.

A very solemn duty. We must stand in unsmiling resistance to Peterson and his dangerous ideas. Ideas that appeal to people. Ideas that have made his book 12 Rules for Life a bestseller. Ideas that differ wildly from our ideas.

We know he is sexist because all the evidence points irrefutably to his being a man. We know he is queerphobic because that's such a great word. We know he's racist because duh. As for his reactionary ideas, they are legion, and they are very, very dangerous.

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Let us condemn him for these views. But in a rational and sensible way. We've got the tar, did anyone bring some feathers?

BREAKFAST
Breakfast threatens many of the basic values of our society. For a start, rich people eat it.

JOHN WAYNE

Hollywood actor John Wayne threatens many of the basic values of our society. This is no mean feat considering the fact he died in 1979.

But we, the woke left, were only made aware this week of certain reactionary views that he expressed in an interview conducted in 1971, and we must get out of bed and take a stand on social media - not that we ever sleep because we're, you know, woke.

Wayne said, "I believe in white supremacy." He called the film Midnight Cowboy "a story about two fags". He said, "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from the Indians…There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

These views are clearly racist and queerphobic and considering that many Indians were women, they are also sexist.

Let's make sure no one ever watches his movies again. Wait, no one does, anyway. But whatever. Bad guy. Threat. All that.

LUNCH
Rich people eat lunch.

Sean Plunket.
Sean Plunket.

SEAN PLUNKET

Radio talkback host Sean Plunket threatens many of the basic values of our society.

We should deprive him of oxygen. We should pay him no mind. We should also ignore Mike Hosking and Leighton Smith and Duncan Garner but on the other hand that would take away the satisfaction in condemning their reactionary views, and what's the point in being woke if you can't condemn people with contrary views?

DINNER
Actually, we're all good with dinner. It's when we can all sit down as a community and share our identical views.

SIMON BRIDGES

How dare Simon Bridges describe the Tax Working Group's recommendation that the Government implement capital gains tax as "an attack on the Kiwi way of life".

The leader of the National Party is way out of line if he thinks he can comment with any authority on the basic values of our society.

Capital gains is unearned income. Capital gains is something rich people sprinkle over their breakfast. Capital gains must be stamped out and so must Simon Bridges.

"I will fight it every step of the way," he states on social media. But social media is where we express our views and they should not be shared by people like Simon Bridges or Jordan Peterson or Sean Plunket or John Wayne. We, the woke left, know better than them. We know better. We know better. We know better.