A woman who was allegedly molested as a child told a police interviewer she thought about killing herself and her alleged attacker.
Peter Robert Doyle, 51, is on trial in Whanganui District Court this week facing 44 charges of sexually offending against children.
The jury of five men and seven women watched the first half of an evidential video interview with the first of three complainants today, in which she spoke about her suicidal thoughts.
"[I thought], should I kill myself? Should I kill him? I really wanted to," the complainant, now an adult, said.
"I thought, if I kill myself, it's letting him win. It's probably what he wants, so then it stays a secret."
Through tears, the woman said she would sometimes "scratch herself" so she would "feel pain".
Doyle pleaded not guilty yesterday to eight counts of indecently assaulting a girl under 12, 15 against a girl aged 12-16, eight counts of having an unlawful sexual connection, one indecent act or assault on a child, three on a young person, two counts of committing an indecent act/intent to offend (alternative charge), and seven counts of rape.
Crown prosecutor Harry Mallalieu said the alleged offending happened between 1999 and 2014, and began when each of the complainants were about 9 or 10 years old. He detailed numerous occasions where Doyle allegedly indecently touched the girls, rubbed himself against them, ejaculated on them, masturbated in front of them, or raped them.
"[He] told [one complainant] he was going to hurt her family if she told on him."
One of the girls went to the police in 2010, "but at that stage she was not in a place, if you like, where she felt she was able to pursue any allegations against him".
Defence lawyer Stephen Ross told the jury they would be feeling "utterly horrified" at what they'd heard so far.
"That's a natural human reaction," he said.
He reminded the jury what Mr Mallalieu said was "not the facts" but what the Crown "hoped" to prove.
He asked them to note whether the complainants' stories were consistent.
"Was there an opportunity for the complainants to talk about these allegations? Has there been collusion between the complainants?"
The trial continues before Judge Thomas Ingram.