Q. I usually end up drinking too much at this time of year, how can I limit it?
A. 'Tis the season! Good on you for making a clear goal to drink less. If we drink, most of us tend to drink more at this time of year –
Mind Matters: Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald answers your questions
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'Tis the season to drink and be merry. But what if you want to drink less this silly season? Photo / 123RF
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A. Willpower likely isn't the problem. Battling yourself is always going to be a losing battle if you're not finding ways to motivate yourself with kindness.
We can choose to push ourselves in one of two ways: with either the carrot or the stick: with rewards or with criticism. Often it's easy to go criticism, and when we fail, blame it on lack of willpower (another criticism by the way.)
Instead focus on motivating with gentle kindness, and on natural rewards - the good feelings afterwards, the sense of achievement, the growing skill and strength.
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It's also possible that the gym isn't for you - that your resistance means something. Exercise is great, but trying to force ourselves to do something that doesn't suit us isn't going to work. Try something different, if you find something you enjoy then the rewards are automatic - and it doesn't feel like a battle.
Q. My wife says recently I've been grumpy and angry all the time, and I think she's right. What can I do to not be in such a bad mood all the time?
A. It isn't always easy when people close to us give us feedback, so good on you for being open. The first question to ask yourself is: are you depressed?
To most, depression means sadness, listlessness, a desire to stay in bed. But for many men, the first or most obvious "symptom" is anger and irritability - and can also include a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, withdrawing from friends and social activities, or increased use of alcohol or drugs.
If this is you, don't worry, it doesn't mean something is wrong with your brain or that you "have depression" for the rest of your life.
The best place to start is with a psychotherapist or psychologist who can help you assess what's going on in your life, what's happened in your past, and help you make changes that will help you manage your day-to-day moods.
Q. My adult son smokes cannabis, and I'm worried he's got a problem. But he says it helps with his anxiety. Is this true, or just an excuse?
A. The war on drugs has done a great job of teaching us that "all drugs are bad" - cannabis included. Recent debates about legalisation have helped people understand that there is more to this though. But cannabis can still be a very addictive and destructive drug for some.
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However, it is also possible your son is right. There are two main chemicals in cannabis, THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) - this gets you "high" - and CBD (cannabidiol). Both have been shown to help with anxiety, although as CBD on its own doesn't have any psychoactive effects it's increasingly used to treat a wide range of ailments.
Of course, cannabis use can cause problems. If your son is functioning in his life, working, socialising and not experiencing obvious signs of addiction - it may be that his cannabis use is helping.
This, of course, isn't true for everyone, as they say, "Individual results may vary."
• Kyle MacDonald is an experienced psychotherapist and co-host of The Nutters Club on Newstalk ZB, Sundays at 11pm.
