Making friends vital part of children's development

By REBECCA WALSH

Four-year-old Meghan Williamson has already started a list of the people she wants to come to her fifth birthday party in April.

It's a long list. There are her kindergarten friends, her cousin Amelia, and then the friends who have already started school.

Meghan is one of hundreds of children who will head off to school for the first time this year. Thousands more will move on to intermediate and high school.

Most children will make and keep friends easily, but some will struggle.

So, how important are children's friendships?

What is it that makes some children popular and more able to make friends than others? And what should parents do if their child arrives home and says no one will play with him or her?

Child psychologist Glen Stenhouse says the ability to make and keep friends is a vital part of children's developing self-image - most don't need to think about it, they automatically make friends.

"Most parents don't need to worry about it, but it can and does cause considerable worry for that small percentage who do have difficulties," Mr Stenhouse says.

"You don't like to see your child come home and say no one played with me today or everyone was horrible to me. It's heartbreaking."

Michael Townsend, an associate professor at Auckland University's School of Education, says research shows children with good friendships tend to do better at school, have good self-esteem and a stronger sense of identity.

"Friendship is a good bulwark against the rotten things that can happen to one in society," he says.

"Your good friend is the one you ask, 'How do I look in this dress?'

"You trust their judgment ... Developing an understanding of yourself is hard to get if you don't have feedback from good friends."

Professor Townsend says research shows some of the worst long-term outcomes of not having good friendships are depression and suicide.

Last year, 19 per cent of calls to the national child help line "What's Up" were about peer relationships, and included difficulties making friends, feelings of rejection or problems maintaining friendships.

Nearly 80 per cent of callers were between 10 and 15, and most were female.

Kohimarama woman Julie Williamson has no worries about her daughter, Meghan, forming friendships - "she's a pretty sociable little thing".

The relief teacher and mother of two believes friendships are important from a young age.

She sent her daughter to the local kindergarten at Mission Bay "because a lot of the children will go to the same school and she will have lots of familiar faces".

Mrs Williamson encourages Meghan to invite friends over and is keen for her to develop a variety of friendships.