Knowing when imaginary friends become a problem

For most children imaginary friends are a positive experience, but how do you know if they are becoming a problem?

Auckland psychologist Steven Hayns says any behaviour that causes pain at some level, whether it is unhappiness or discomfort, is a concern.

Parents might want to consider what their child will think about the world in the long term if the behaviour continues.

"We would have some reservations if imaginary friends started getting in the way of social relationships with adults or other children, if all of their interaction was with the imaginary friend," he says.

If children's language development is limited because they spend more time talking to their imaginary friends than communicating with families, there would be cause for concern.

"That might signal there are some needs of the child that are not being met," Mr Hayns says.

"I think there are times when a child might find refuge in a positive imaginary friend because the real world is not positive enough for them."

By the time they reach primary school most children should be able to make the distinction between reality and fantasy.

"I would become concerned when children start moving out of the pre-school years and into their primary school years, if they could not in their heart of hearts know that their imaginary friend was just imagination," says Mr Hayns.

He suggests parents who are worried about their children should talk to them about the difference between fantasy and reality.

Mr Hayns says it is also important to spend time with children, ensuring they get enough positive attention.

If the problem persists then parents should seek professional help.

Mr Hayns says parents should not enter into any fantasies about scary or frightening monsters by saying things such as "daddy has scared them away".

Instead, they should encourage children to acknowledge it is just their imagination and get them to use it to think of one of their favourite things.