Jim Hopkins: Our can-do attitude is no mere flight of fancy

There it was, whizzing through the mild blue yonder, zooming over the film crew at haircut height, then down the inlet, banking, climbing, diving, bright as a dream and equally unbelievable.

Was it a bird? Was it a plane? Was it a Cabinet Minister off to put some plonk on his trusty credit card? No, this was something stranger still, and more exhilarating. So exhilarating it would even Phil Heatley with delight, not remorse.

As it has many others, including a Channel 9 film crew who came over from Sydney to film it. And lest you missed their report on our TV, the 'it' in question is, cue drum roll, a flying hovercraft.

No, you're not dreaming. Oxymoronic as it seems, this was a flying hovercraft, cruising through the insubstantial ether, free as a bird though a teeny bit louder 'cos it's got an engine - a 1.8litre Subaru EA81 intercooled turbo, in case you were wondering.

The hovercraft was designed and built by a bloke in Nelson called Rudy Heeman - because a real Heeman flies his hovercraft. And the waterborne/ airborne hybrid (his first multi-modal model) "is not for the faint-hearted" says Rudy, our very own Luke Skywater.

Then again, since none of us are faint-hearted (or would admit it if we were) such caution is irrelevant. Being a gung-ho bunch, ever ready for one of Rudy's "adrenalin-pumping" adventures, we all want one, don't we? Yes!!!! Of course we do!!

"It's fast and furious," adds Mr Heeman, further whetting our appetites, and "roars like a lion". Probably floats like a butterfly and zings like a bee as well. Alas, t'will not be possible for all of us to have one for there is only one to have - the one the Australians came to film. (Quite why none of our own voracious newshounds saw fit to cover the clever craft remains a mystery. Too busy sorting out who'd have which cushion in the commentary box at the Rugby World Club, perchance).

Such wrangles aside, if you want this homebuilt masterpiece, make a bid on Trade Me. You see, in order to fund other "secret projects", Rudy's selling his newfangled flyer and interest is high. $26,500 is the current bid - a snip for those who haven't snipped their ministerial credit card.

There are some interesting comments on the auction site. One inventive chap has "lots of ideas for hoverplanes for military and other uses". Another asks, "Are you looking for test pilots? I'd like to offer my ex-mother-in-law's services." While a third declares, "I am in the market for a multipurpose flying/hovering attack craft. This could be perfect. So, could you attach rockets and machine guns to it to it and, if so, how many?"

It's a weird world out there, Wilbur. Indeed it is, Orville. Perhaps the best reply to that last inquirer (Mr W. Mapp, Min. of Def., Wgtn., credit card details enclosed) would be, "Buy it and fit 'em yourself, sunshine."

Rudy was a tad more tolerant, noting only that such modifications would require a firearms licence, making the vehicle more difficult to sell.

But the idea has sold itself. And it's not just the Aussies atwitter. The Daily Telegraph has carried a report, as has Pakistan News, the BBC and CNN. Al Jazeera may have. Ashton Kutcher's twittering about it, Osama bin Laden could be bidding (under an alias) and, for or all we know, there's a UFO heading our way as we speak, its amorphous, amoebic, alien Captain instructed to bring that damn machine back to Alpha Leather or you'll never go hypersonic again!!!!!!

The world, in short, is interested - and perhaps the universe too. Someone should advise Captain Key. And remind him that we're actually quite good at this seat-of-the-pants, smell-of-an-oily-rag stuff; flying hovercraft, amphibious cars (like the Aquada, now being developed by Alan Gibbs), NavMan, Bungys, turning bulldozers into tanks (thanks, Mr Semple) and if we could just stop wittering on about footling things like who gives way to who at intersections it may dawn upon us that this is really our best chance to beat the Aussies.

It is. This is how we beat Australia. Not with dough, but with get up and go. Someone should tell Captain Key we don't need a new flag or anthem. We need a new brand. Let's be New Zingland or New Zipland, the place you'll find something amazing, like a flying hovercraft, not just once in a blue lagoon but every week.

Rudy says his machine would be great for cockies. And, once we've put rockets on them, let's buy some for the SAS. Who cares if they've got no military use.

Neither have the LAV's and we spent $700,000,000 on them. so let's go, let's fly, let's give it a try. Let's encourage innovation.

And if we must have a new anthem, let's adapt that old standard, Home on the Range:

Oh, give me a home where the hovercraft roam
On the land and the sea and the sky
Where often is heard an encouraging word:-
"Kiwi can do means you too can fly!"
Oh, give me a place full of wide open space
Where the mind can run wild and run free
And hovercraft soar with a lion's mighty roar
New Zingland's a great place to be!!