The woman was beaten for more than an hour and almost died as a result of the attack. Photo / 123RF, file image
The woman was beaten for more than an hour and almost died as a result of the attack. Photo / 123RF, file image
A woman almost killed by her gun-wielding and increasingly violent partner in a beating that went on for more than an hour is urging anyone worried about their safety to get out before it's too late.
"He got his gun, and his gun on my throat and he said tome if I didn't shut up he would kill me," she said.
"I remember fighting, I just fought with every bit of strength I had left to get that away from my neck and he let me go.
"I am very lucky to be alive ... every single part of my body was completely nailed, I was black and blue from head to toe, literally."
Shay spoke to the Herald about the attack to highlight the ongoing and worsening domestic violence epidemic in New Zealand and to highlight the help available for victims from Shine ahead of the support agency's annual fundraising appeal.
"He pushed me so hard I just fell and hit my head on the floor really badly. So each time I tried to get my phone there would be like another form of attack, then it was strangling me ... I was only a few seconds away from literally dying."
Shay had two brain bleeds, a concussion that lasted months, burst blood vessels in her eyes, torn ligaments in her elbow, lacerations and bruises all over her body.
She has recovered physically but the psychological scars are still raw and painful.
The abuse - which was insidious and escalating and included control, isolation, threats and intimidation - started soon after Shay's relationship started.
A woman badly beaten by her partner says it's crucial for women in dangerous and abusive relationships to get out while they can. Photo / 123RF, file image
She tried a number of times to leave the man, who ordered her not to discuss the relationship with anyone.
"There was no telling him. I was in a situation where I had to just basically do as I was told," she said.
"It got increasingly worse."
Five days before the worst attack, Shay told him again she wanted to break up.
"He lost the plot. He choked me and pushed me around, then got into his car to go out, and rammed my car that was parked in front," she said.
"The next morning he said, 'I think something really bad is going to happen'."
Shay encouraged others in her situation to seek help from agencies like Shine.
"Don't ever believe you can help them. The sad reality is, they don't have any regard for you, and it will only get worse," she said.
"I know what it's like to be under an extreme level of control, but the truth is, no matter how afraid you are, reach out to someone and get the support and assistance you need to get out before it's too late.
"Those words, 'before it's too late', are pivotal because it literally can quickly become a life or death situation ... it's not just a matter of getting out - it's a matter of getting out before it's too late because it will only escalate until the point of no return.
New Zealand has one of the worst rates of domestic violence in the developed world. Photo / NZH
New Zealand has one of the worst rates of domestic violence and family harm in the developed world.
But more than 80 per cent of incidents go unreported.
In 2021 there were 172,727 calls to police - 7688 more than in 2020.
Statistics show that one in three women in New Zealand experience physical or sexual intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
Specialist family violence agency Shine said "escalating levels of violence and complexity of cases" were a "major concern".
"The pandemic, the stress of lockdowns, housing insecurity and the rising cost of living are adding to the complexity of family violence and further reducing the choices people have available to them," said spokeswoman Rachel Kain.
"We're concerned by the complexity and severity of incidents, particularly in relation to the latest police statistics.
"Shine is hearing more stories like Shay's and, worryingly, the agency is also seeing a marked increase in the number of young clients being referred to or reaching out to the service."
Kain spoke to the Herald ahead of Shine's annual fundraising appeal, Light It Orange.
She said the agency provided a full range of support for victims from the initial crisis response - providing critical care packs to help with emergency situations, immediate assistance through the Shine helpline, refuge and temporary accommodation, referring people to counselling, applying for legal aid and emotional support during the crisis - to long-term recovery.
"We are asking the community for help so we can continue to provide the best quality of care and support for people escaping these horrific situations," Kain said.
"With one in three women in New Zealand experiencing physical or sexual intimate partner violence in their lifetime, chances are it's happened to someone you know, and your donation could be helping your friend, neighbour, colleague or family member."
WHAT YOUR DONATION CAN DO:
• $30 assists a victim of domestic violence to get a protection order.
• $60 assists in creating a safety plan for a victim of domestic violence.
• $120 assists with the cost of a critical care pack.
• $250 assists a family escaping domestic violence into emergency accommodation.
• $10,000 assists a family in danger of repeated violence to relocate to another town or city.
Light it Orange runs from June 13-19.
Donations can be made via the website: https://shine.grassrootz.com/light-it-orange-2022/donate
FAMILY HARM - DO YOU NEED HELP?
If you're in danger now:
• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours of friends to ring for you. • Run outside and head for where there are other people. • Scream for help so that your neighbours can hear you. • Take the children with you. • Don't stop to get anything else. • If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay
• Shine, free national helpline available 24/7 - 0508 744 633 www.2shine.org.nz • Women's Refuge: Free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 refuge or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz • Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and middle eastern women and their children. Crisis line 24/7 0800 742 584 • It's Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450 www.areyouok.org.nz
