KEY POINTS:
It's been a bad year for the Wellington business community. First Phil Lewin, former CEO of the Wellington Regional Chamber of Commerce, took his life in August. Then last month Kirk Stephenson, a London-based millionaire, threw himself in front of an express train travelling at 160km/h at Taplow
Station, Berkshire.
Both men were 47. They were married and left children. And both, by all accounts, were successful at what they did.
Stephenson's death ended a 20-year career as a financier in the city where he was co-founder and chief operating officer for Olivant Advisers. He left no note, instead had breakfast with his wife, financial writer Karina Robinson, and 8-year-old son Lucas, drove to the station and ended his life.
Those in Wellington who went to school, college and university with Lewin and Stephenson are shocked and grappling for answers.
And it's made them aware how vulnerable the business community, particularly the risk takers, the entrepreneurs and the leaders, are in the shadow of the looming credit crunch. Most remember the fallout from Black Monday, the 1987 stock market crash, and were raised on stories of the 1929 crash and the Great Depression which followed a year later. Even then there were stories of despairing men hurling themselves from bridges and tall buildings.
The 1987 crash brought its own rash of suicides. Charles Finny, CEO of the Wellington Regional Chamber of Commerce, predicts the fallout from the current credit crisis will be huge. Many people still aren't fully aware of how serious the situation is, or the extent of the potential damage.
Finny thinks New Zealanders are intolerant of risk takers and entrepreneurs. That means those who face a business failure suffer from perceived loss of face, self-esteem and confidence. Suddenly their world has changed - no more private schools, expensive boats and cars. The family home is put up for sale.
Instead, Finny and Auckland Chamber of Commerce chief executive Michael Barnett think risk takers should be supported and admired.
Finny says: "Our economy wouldn't grow if these people were not prepared to take risks. We should be celebrating them as opposed to laughing at them or shunning them."
By comparison, a business failure in the United States was almost seen as "a badge of honour" and it was assumed success would come eventually.
Experts say it is the largely male tendency not to seek advice or confide in a colleague for fear of loss of face that causes dramatic fallout, such as severe depression and feelings of hopelessness.
Barnett says all people in business should have a mentor, someone they trust and with whom they can confide and ask advice, even when times are good. He advises avoiding close family members who might not be objective. And he says the business community has failed to look after its leaders, the people at the top, whether in a small business or a corporation.
While good employers spend time and energy "looking down" - often becoming involved in personal problems faced by staff - no one tends to look up to see how the boss is doing.
"We don't look after our own well enough. And leaders don't look after leaders well enough."
In addition, men tend to hide the fact that anything is wrong, he says. By the time they are forced to walk away from a business, or close up shop, it is too late.
Often they have borrowed money against their house and face losing their home.
"By the time they've got to that point, they are shattered," Barnett says. "These are huge moments in people's lives and if you don't have somebody there you can share with you're lost."
Experts say that when a problem is internalised, the sufferer can become irrational, the original problem blown out of proportion.
Those who knew Kirk Stephenson think this may be what happened to him.
By all accounts he led a charmed life, earning more than $900,000 a year and owning a $10.1 million, five-storey house in Chelsea and a holiday home in the West Country.
The couple partied and holidayed in Europe, and Stephenson was known as a generous host who loved opera, board games and tennis.
Stephenson was understood to have made millions from the core Olivant business, based in Guernsey. But London sources said that neither Stephenson nor his company had financial problems that would have led him to take his life. Instead, he was believed to have been haunted by the stress and responsibilities of dealing with the credit crunch, and that he had overreacted to the looming financial turmoil.
Auckland GP Peter Boot says many men's feeling of self worth depends on how successful they feel, a pressure dating from the "hunter-gatherer" days.
"We justify the loss of some things by the fact we are materially successful. In a way, material success is all you've got. When that is snatched away, you have nothing left."
Ian Lambie, senior lecturer in clinical psychology at Auckland University, agrees that for many men their sense of identity is tied up with their work, their businesses and the amount of money they have produced. If that sense of identity is damaged "their whole world view is shattered," he says.
"Often men feel potentially too ashamed, embarrassed or humiliated to talk about these things."
Men who overreact to stress and cannot cope or adjust to sudden change, can be "pretty impulsive", Lambie says. They end their lives without warning and tend to use violent methods from where there is no going back. "They just know that, bang, that's it."
One of the advantages of talking to people - a friend or a professional - is to obtain some objectivity.
High achievers have further to fall, he says. The reaction is often stronger, the impact of stress is greater.
"Everyone is watching them."
Barnett says the effect of loss of self esteem cannot be underestimated and likens it to damage to a brand.
He compares loss of face in the business world to public reaction to an All Blacks loss.
"They [New Zealanders] don't go down because the All Blacks lose, they feel down because a part of their reputation that is associated with the brand has been damaged."
Business coach and mentor Sven Hansen, who runs the Resilience Institute, says most business leaders are facing a double-edged sword.
Most understand their need to remain enthusiastic and optimistic in front of staff.
"It's hard to do that and at the same time admit your vulnerability."
He uses the financial "death spiral" model to demonstrate what can happen if warning signs are ignored.
Those under pressure deteriorate from a state of confusion, where things start to go wrong and there is too much going on, to becoming disengaged or "tuning out".
"One minute you're listening to someone, the next second you are gone. It is just lips moving and sound. There is no meaning.
"Lots of that is happening at the moment," he says.
At that stage, the business leader or executive starts to make mistakes. "Those mistakes have a huge impact on self confidence."
The third phase is withdrawal through loss of confidence and it is at this stage that men tend to isolate themselves more than women.
"They'll have their breakdown in their car, they'll get drunk and do crazy things instead of connecting with the people who matter."
They will tend to distance themselves from their families and from their children, Hansen says.
"That's a real strain, I imagine, in the home at the moment - a lot of very stressed parents coming home and just not being present. They have just withdrawn."
The next "quite serious" stage is self-neglect, when the person stops paying attention to his or her needs. They stop exercising, stop paying attention to diet and sleep and maybe get into bad habits.
From there it is to the "distress" phase, which Hansen describes as "an epidemic" at the moment and one which can lead to serious depression.
The symptoms include sleep disorders, anxiety attacks and hyper ventilation, mood swings and short-term memory loss.
Says Charles Finny: "If you are worried, get professional advice immediately and share your problem with your friends."
Conversely, if friends or business colleagues have a hunch something is not right, "ask what's wrong and see what you can do to help. Early intervention is essential".
