Diana Clement: You are not obliged to spend for Christmas

Christmas is a time for giving but don't let the expense get out of hand. Photo / 123RF

Christmas is on its way and our wallets are about to be sucked dry by Santa and his little helpers.

Yes, it’s nice to give but being obliged to give creates negative emotions.

Too many people go into debt to pay for gifts and all the trappings of Christmas. Yet the season should be about much more than spending. It’s about togetherness for me. And family. For some people, it’s about religion. Others may not even celebrate it, but might still get pulled into the office Secret Santa.

Here’s the rub:

1. It’s not okay to spend money you don’t have. It’s one of those times when we need to communicate more, be honest, and set ground rules.
2. Be mindful. If you do feel you need to give a gift, would a bunch of flowers from your own garden do? Or even regifting an item you no longer use?

First, let’s talk about spending money you don’t have. That means buying stuff on credit or buy now pay later. That’s okay for essentials if you really don’t have the money. But should you be buying Christmas gifts on tick?

That’s where the “be mindful” point comes in. We’ve all received things we know we’re never going to use or get around to reading. Some of the best presents don’t cost much. They’re usually the ones that have the most thought put in. Depending on the recipient, homemade, handmade or out of the garden is often more appreciated.

Christmas giving can be difficult for parents who are cash-strapped, or live in communities of bigger spenders. Young children in particular get very excited about Christmas and birthday gifts. Setting expectations early can help.

I did manage to get away with buying stuff for birthdays and Christmas that parents might have bought anyway. The phone? The school laptop? Clothing?

Even if money isn’t tight, it’s a good exercise to get children to learn to pay towards expensive items. There is no harm in suggesting that if they contribute $x or x% towards the laptop, they can have it for Christmas. If you want to surprise them, you can still give a card at Christmas with a picture of the item on top and the “deal” that you’re cutting with them. Go shopping together after Christmas.

Everyone is different, but I found that padding out the gifts under the tree with op shop gifts or other low-cost and often consumable items made for a fun Christmas Day without having to spend ridiculous sums of money.

If your children are going to scream and yell because they didn’t get a MacBook Air or Nike Air Jordans, then I think it’s time to take a parenting class or two. Don’t shoot me for saying that.

Now that my children are adults in training, I’ve reflected and discussed with them about the things they didn’t get for Christmas. Asked if they’d have rather had the things, or the holidays, the answer was unequivocal: holidays. Having said that, not everyone can afford the holidays either, I realise. Not buying things when you can’t afford them does free up the money to be spent elsewhere, or to avoid debt.

If it’s your other half, or adult relatives expecting you to spend on them, then it might be time for some good honest conversations. Setting limits together is a great place to start.

Last Christmas I wrote about family traditions and how they can make Christmas more than just about spending. According to a Retirement Commission survey from two years ago, 60 per cent of us say family is the most important thing about the season.

There are plenty of ways to make Christmas day special. Photo / 123RF

Creating or focusing more on family traditions lessens the impact of consumerism. The focus of the day could be board games, a waterfront walk, a swim, or as we do, wharf jumping after breakfast. Ask friends for their favourite traditions that cost little or no money.

When it comes to spending on Christmas, remember that gifts should be genuine gestures of affection, not expectations. Ditto, come Valentine’s Day in February.