Actions define us, not toeing the party line

Leftie fear means worrying that not parroting the party line makes you seem like a sexist/racist. Photo / Thinkstock

The fear of being seen as sexist or racist means many people simply parrot the proper Leftie response.

I've found Nutella has many uses; it's a hangover cure, emergency pudding, and ancient Spartan war tactic for use against the ants in my kitchen. (Lure them out with its hazelnut sweetness and strike with a rolled up Cosmo. Tcha!)

But it also has an amazing ability to make people talk. The other night my flatmate, after a few tablespoons, began brandishing the 1kg pot.

"Chu know what makeshh me mad!?" she slurred, "people talking about how Asians are fetishised." She thrust the spoon in the air, "I'm Asian, and I hate it when guys hook up with me because of it. But," she pointed the spoon at me, "white girls are judged just as much on their appearance. Men want me because I'm exotic. Men want you because you're tall. I want men who are tall. We all objectify people! We're all dicks! Pass the peanut butter!"

As soon as she said this, I realised that this was an argument I could never make.

Not necessarily because I thought she was wrong, but because I've got a classic case of Leftie fear.

Leftie fear is a perverse, paralytic and prevalent problem among young, socially conscious types. It's that phenomenon where you disagree with a commonly held left wing idea, but you're afraid of saying or thinking something different. You're worried that not parroting the party line makes you seem like a sexist/racist.

For instance, if I hear someone arguing that it's offensive to wear a native American headdress because it's fashionable I might want to challenge that argument. But it's so widely accepted. And if I do challenge it I'm afraid I'll look like a racist. So I think, "hmmm, what would the proper Leftie response be?" And go with that.

The fear that "if you don't think this then you're a racist" suggests that we see espousing these established ideas as proof of our moral character. Saying, for instance, that you hate the use of cultural symbols in fashion is commonly accepted as a neon sign that says, "I'm a good, multicultural, modern person with a lovely shiny morality."

So why is this 'words equals character' equation so messed up?

Well firstly the fear of deviating from the party line is stopping independent thinking. Which is a bad idea in itself.

But I also think it's dangerous because it suggests that what you say is proof of your character.

Talk is cheap - like two dollar shop cheap. Ever had someone call themselves a feminist and then mansplain over you? Or say how important respect is to them and then be a dick to the waiter?

There's no necessary correlation between language and reality.

My dad raised me in a way that meant I never thought I was any different to my brother. I was just as capable, just as equal, and just as entitled to do whatever I wanted with my life. It's a fundamentally feminist approach that embodies the belief in equality between men and women.

But Christ, does dad hate being called a feminist. "God, Verity!" he says, screwing up his face like tinfoil, "Don't call me that ... word!"

He would never espouse the line that he's a feminist, but that doesn't mean he isn't one.

If you want an indicator of character, you're much safer looking at someone's behaviour. After all, it normally costs you more to act upon a principle - you might have to have a difficult conversation, or cut off a friend, or offend someone. Acting on it shows you're prepared to lose something for it. And that shows you're deeply, properly committed to it. It's part of your character.

So just because you don't repeat the intellectual Leftie line, it doesn't necessarily mean people think your spirit guide is Mike Hosking.

People could think that you're playing devil's advocate. Or could think that you're just a bit more open minded than most people. Or that you hate repeating cliches. The point is there are options. So don't be afraid that rejecting the established ideas makes people assume you're the reincarnation of Friedrich Hayek.

But more importantly, what you say isn't the real acid test of your morality. And it doesn't necessarily mean you're not a great person. Your character is really seen in what you do - not what you say.