Zeitgeist: The true magic of Christmas is the invisible labour of exhausted parents - especially Down Under

Christmas is a busy time of the year, particularly for mums. Photo / 123rf

I don’t know about you but the main conversation among those in my circle of friends with kids these days is about how permanently exhausted we are.

It feels as if, ever since Halloween came around and we had costumes and trick-or-treating to plan around work and other general life chores, things have not slowed down. They never seem to, do they?

I can’t quite explain how but we are currently in mid-December 2023 even though 2020 was a mere five seconds ago. Mariah Carey is fully defrosted and Christmas is nearly here.

It is a well-known fact that the “magic” of Christmas is actually the invisible labour - sometimes the literal blood, sweat and tears - of parents all over the world (and let’s face it, particularly mums who still do the bulk of that labour). But while this is a global phenomenon, I have a theory, based on absolutely nothing but vibes, that this most wonderful time of the year is more exhausting in New Zealand, and the southern hemisphere as a whole, than it is in the rest of the world.

Hear me out: The combination of Christmas, end of school, summer holidays and all the associated events is a recipe for burnout for many parents trying to juggle it all. In mid-December, where I find myself writing this to you, the mix of tiredness over all the stuff we’ve got done so far and the feelings of dread at how much there’s still to do can be truly overwhelming. And while the northern hemisphere has Christmas in the middle of the school year, with a short break in winter for the festivities before every returns to school at the start of January, New Zealand’s Christmas is at the start of the long summer school holidays, creating additional stress for working parents.

There are the end-of-year school productions, assemblies and costume days. There are the Christmas cards the children want to make to exchange with school friends, the Christmas cards we need them to be in a good enough mood to write on so we can send them to overseas family. Are we doing teachers’ gifts this year? I suppose we have to, right? I’ll add it to the list. They need some sort of Christmas costume to take to school. Oh, and the last week has water play day, they need togs - do last year’s ones still fit? I’ll write it down so I remember to check. We need to figure out the times when it works out to take the kids to see Santa. Have they done a Christmas list yet?

December 1 and we forgot the advent calendar. Quickly rush to put something together before they notice. Pause to thank all the gods in all the religions that we never decided to do Elf on the Shelf.

School holidays begin and so does the infinite working parent juggle. Kids’ club days, playdate exchanges with other equally busy parents, I’ll keep an eye on the community newsletter to find out what else is on that we can entertain them with. Any good kids’ movies at the cinema? That’d give us a couple of hours to get things done.

Have you got all the gifts purchased, ordered or wrapped? Do we have enough wrapping paper? And gift tags? Bummer, I think we’re out of sticky tape. Time to put the Christmas tree up. Are we doing photos with Santa this year? I need to look that up. What’s that Lego she mentioned she really liked? Which of the Ninjago ninjas is it? Can’t believe it’s 2am and I’m in bed reciting the names of Ninjago ninjas. Nya, Kai, Lloyd, Jay ... Oh, we need to budget a food shop for Christmas Day. And need to try to get a head start on all the Christmas baking. Oh and we need to get Christmas crackers, the kids wouldn’t forgive us if forgot the crackers.

The new school year starts at the end of next month (yup!). Will this year’s school uniform still do or do we have to get new ones? They need new lunchboxes, I’ll make a mental note to order the lunchbox and drink bottle decals with the names. Would be good if they didn’t get lost in the first few weeks of school, you know.

We’ve got a couple of people to visit during the holidays - have we bought something to take to them? Some chocolates, maybe a nice candle or a bottle of wine? I’ll add to the list.

Through all of these weeks of merriment and wonder, parents, particularly mums, are supposed to maintain a sunny disposition, to match the spirit of the season (Christmas AND summer, what’s there to be grumpy about, right?). We’re supposed to be doing a million different things in a day, but also looking calm and relaxed, because it’s summer and what else are you supposed to do? Don’t forget to create unforgettable memories for the children, make all their dreams come true, while obviously sticking to a budget that only seems to get tighter.

When the rhyme says that “not a creature was stirring” the night before Christmas, that’s not quite true: Mum is stirring. She’s wrapping up gifts, icing cakes, writing the last gift tags, triple-checking she hasn’t forgotten anything.

I know we don’t have to do all this. I know we don’t have to do half of it. But we’re parents and really do want to take any chance to make them happy so we all push ourselves a little bit harder than we should at this time of the year, while telling ourselves next year we’ll do better, we’ll delegate more, we’ll let more things slide. But life feels so hard for so many at the moment, you can’t blame anyone who tries to make things a bit brighter for those around them. But even if that is done by choice, that does not negate how tiring this time of the year is for parents and there is power in acknowledging that.

We are the magic of Christmas. And we are exhausted.

Check on your friends with children this month, particularly the mums. They need a hug, maybe a box of chocolates, and they definitely need a holiday.