Natalia Stepura and Mum Antonina, Wellington, Thursday 17 November 2022. Photo / Hagen Hopkins.
It’s been a year of worry and fear for New Zealand Ukrainian Natalia Stepura, watching from afar as Russia invaded her homeland, forcing her family to flee in search of safety.
But this Christmas, she can finally breathe a little easier as her mum Antonina Kipen sits by her side in Aotearoa after escaping from war-torn Ukraine.
“We always planned she would come visit one day,” says mother-of-three Natalia, who never expected war would be the reason for the much-longed-for reunion.
Speaking to the Weekly from her Lower Hutt home, the dressmaker, who moved here 10 years ago, interprets as her mum Antonina bravely shares her story.
On the morning of February 23 this year, Antonina, 65, left her Kyiv home for work, not realising it would be for the last time.
Russian forces had been gathering at the border for months and government advice was to pack an emergency supplies bag in case the situation escalated. But for the Ukrainian people, tension with Russia was nothing new, so there still wasn’t a sense of imminent danger.
“I had some things packed for my emergency bag at home and left them on the dining table thinking I’d be back,” recalls accountant Antonina. “Then my other daughter Maria called and asked me to look after her kids when I finished work, so I went straight there from the office. From that day, I’ve never been home again.”
On February 24, Russian forces invaded Kyiv, bombing the capital city and throwing the 4.5 million-odd residents into the centre of the war.
“Kyiv is divided by a river,” Natalia, 45, explains. “My mum lives on the left and my sister on the right. When the bombing started for a month, nobody was allowed to go from one side to another, so she wasn’t able to go back home.”
Thinking back to the start of what they describe as the “hot phase” of the war, mother and daughter are both visibly emotional, wiping back tears.
Natalia remembers, “I was outside talking to a neighbour, saying, ‘Everything will be fine, this is nothing new for us’, when my oldest son came running to the front door and told me they had bombed Kyiv. I was in shock, crying. It was a nightmare. I went on Facebook straight away, asking my friends and family to please let me know they were okay.”
Thankfully, her family was safe, but their struggles were far from over. Antonina, her daughter Maria, 37, her three grandchildren, Alex, 12, Ivan, 8, and Anna, 2, and Maria’s mother-in-law sheltered at home as bombing and shelling continued around them for weeks.
Despite their desperation, they couldn’t leave the city because Maria’s husband Sacha was stuck in a makeshift hospital bomb shelter with a broken hip.
Natalia explains, “A friend of his owned a small grocery store, and told him where a key was hidden to go and get groceries for our family because we didn’t know how long this was going to last. He had to climb a high fence and it was winter, frosty and slippery, and he fell off and broke his hip.”
It was an incredibly trying time waiting two and a half weeks for Sacha to be discharged, but Antonina believes it may also have saved their lives.
She says the busy highways were a target for bombs and some people tragically died trying to leave the days immediately after the invasion.
Back in New Zealand and deeply concerned for her family, Natalia tried to contact them every day.
“I asked them to text me every time they had a mobile connection, which wasn’t always there in the bomb shelters,” tells Natalia. “I just wanted them to send a smile or anything to say they were alright.”
On March 11, Sacha had recovered enough from his injury to be able to sit and the family set out from Kyiv, leaving the only country they’d ever called home.
“They went in two cars with three kids, four adults, including Sacha’s mother, and the cat,” says Natalia.
“The roads were really busy with so many people trying to move out and lots of places were under shelling, so they got a map of country roads which were safer than the highways.”
What followed was a long and fraught journey through Ukraine, Hungary and Germany, finally stopping in France.
There, without ever meeting them, a local man offered them his home free of charge for four months while he was travelling for work.
“My family is so thankful because lots of people who ran away are stuck in schools and shelters with just a mattress on the floor,” says Antonina.
During this time, Natalia was doing everything she could think of to help.
“I told my sister, ‘Send me all of your kids’ passports. If anything happens, I will be able to find them and show that I’m a relative,’” shares Natalia, who immediately applied for the Special Ukraine Visa for her mum.
“I thought, ‘I know New Zealand and I know New Zealanders, we can always find help here.’ I later found out this was true when other families moved here. In the morning, they’d arrive at an empty house, and by the evening they’d have furniture, cutlery and everything they needed.”
With little to no English, Antonina was anxious about the nearly 40-hour trip to Aotearoa.
“I was worried I would be lost somewhere around the globe,” admits Antonina, who relied on the kindness of strangers to help her navigate the busy international airports. “When I made it, I was so happy and proud.”
Natalia adds, “I told her not to worry, that customs officers are really nice and polite here. When you know life in the Soviet Union, authorities, especially in uniform, can be scary.”
It’s the first time the pair have seen each other in four years and being reunited in time for Christmas, Natalia is overcome with emotion.
Growing up, the close-knit family followed the Ukrainian tradition of celebrating on Christmas Eve with a special meal made up of 12 vegetarian dishes.
The pair describe the warming winter fare of varenyky dumplings and kutia, barley, poppy seeds, dried fruit and honey, with a loving reverence for the age-old rituals that remind them of home.
Following the festive meal, everyone heads out into the streets for Koliada – a celebration going from door-to-door carolling.
“On Christmas Day in Ukraine, we go to our godmothers and fathers, and try to visit all of them with pastries,” Natalia tells. “It’s cold, but it’s lots of fun. People are out and singing, and there’s fireworks.”
While recounting this happy memory, Natalia is quickly reminded of the harsh realities of war, saying she’s worried fireworks will never bring the same joy again.
“The noise is too scary. Even here for Guy Fawkes, Mum said she understood that it was fireworks, but she was still worried and felt sick when she heard them.”
This year, the pair will be combining old traditions with a Ukrainian Christmas Eve dinner, followed by a Kiwi picnic on the 25th with Natalia’s children and her partner’s family.
The blended celebration acknowledges the life Natalia now lives after moving to New Zealand with her late-husband Mykhailo in 2012.
A more stable future for their sons Oleksii, now 22, and Pasha, 12, was the motivation, but Mykhailo sadly passed away five years later while hiking in the Tararua Ranges.
Natalia went on find love again with Mitch and they share 3-year-old son Levko together. They also live with her partner’s three children from a previous relationship.
“I still think New Zealand is the best and safest place to raise kids,” enthuses Natalia. “It’s a really good example of how different cultures can live together and take the best from each other.
“I have a dream that my kids learn from the best here in New Zealand and one day take it back to a new Ukraine.”
Patriotic grandmother Antonina is appreciative of her time here, but doesn’t know how long she’ll stay as her heart aches for home.
“I want people to know, Ukraine is a beautiful country with amazing people, hard workers with open hearts and a really strong feeling for freedom,” she shares proudly.
“We don’t want others’ land, we’ve got our own place and we want it back, but unfortunately the price is really high, and people have lost family members and their homes.”
Natalia adds, “Ukrainians are really attached to their houses. It’s like the umbilical cord and the whole wider family is connected there.”
Despite the ongoing conflict and danger, Natalia’s sister and family decided not to follow Antonina to New Zealand, and returned to Ukraine.
“It’s a physical pain,” says Natalia, who worries how they’ll manage through the harsh winter. “Each morning starts from this. I read official reports, watch official channels and find out where our army is.”
While she and Antonina approach a safe and free Kiwi summer, they want to emphasise how grateful they are.
“It’s not just for the financial and humanitarian aid in the war,” says Antonina. “It’s also the feeling New Zealanders are on our side, and feeling that support in your eyes and hugs.”
Natalia continues, “Please don’t forget about us. We’re fighting for our land because we want to live in peace and freedom, and do basic things without rushing to a bomb shelter or worrying about our kids.”
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