Solo dining doesn't have to awkward — in fact, it might just be the ultimate way to treat yourself. Photo / Getty Images
OPINION:
Is solo dining cool again? The trend seems to come and go, but in 2024, it’s not just jet-setting main characters or corporates going out for dinner alone. In fact, going on a solo dinner date for no reason at all might just be the ultimate way to treat yourself — and Kiwi chefs are welcoming the trend.
The last time I went out for a meal by myself it was for breakfast on the final day of a work trip. I had some time to kill before my flight and my hotel, which had recently opened, wasn’t yet serving breakfast, so off I went to a nearby café.
The service was great, as were the scrambled eggs and flat white, but when I stood up to pay, a man in his 60s said loudly, “Excuse me ... you have something on your ... " and pointed, and that’s when I realised there had been some crumbs on my seat.
I hurriedly paid for my meal and left, thinking that if I hadn’t been alone, I could have avoided the embarrassment and the stares — a friend could have subtly pointed out the crumbs and we’d have laughed about it on our way out.
It’s an experience I’m not particularly keen to repeat. Going out for a meal isn’t just about not having to cook for yourself, it’s about catching up with friends or spending quality time with a significant other or someone you haven’t seen in years. Having another person at the table means you have backup if you forget your wallet, the staff are unhelpful, you want to be cheeky and claim a table before ordering — the list goes on.
But I’ve heard solo dining is cool again. On TikTok, girls are taking themselves out for dinner or on solo dates, claiming it’s given them newfound confidence and might just be the ultimate form of self-care.
Granted, taking yourself on a so-called “solo” dinner date only to film it on your phone and share it to an audience might miss the point slightly, but it also challenges the taboo around dining out alone.
So, determined to discover the appeal for myself, I head out one evening for a cocktail and some small plates at a restaurant in my neighbourhood. Sitting at the bar feels like a bit much, so I opt for a small table. The server quickly takes away the second chair and adds it to a larger table — I can’t decide whether that makes me feel better or worse.
People-watching quickly gets old, because you start feeling creepy, so it’s not long before I take my Kindle out of my bag and lose myself in a book.
Do I feel chic and mysterious? I’m not sure, but the food is great and it’s nice not to have to make conversation with someone across the table from me. It dawns on me halfway through my starter that far from feeling awkward, I actually feel relaxed.
It’s not often you get the chance to sit alone with your thoughts or with a good book for an hour or two, with food and drinks brought to you.
It’s something that’s getting more and more difficult to do these days, as many of us tend to eat on the go, at our desks, or are simply too tired to properly enjoy our food after spending an hour cooking it after a long day’s work. Dining alone is almost meditative, I think, before paying my bill and heading home.
The worst part of the experience was feeling self-conscious, but in 2024, are we really still worried about being judged for being alone? Viva dining out editor and restaurant critic Jesse Mulligan thinks not.
“Solo dining has a changed a lot since my first dinner alone,” he tells the New Zealand Herald, recalling the time he asked the maître d for a table for one. “She replied ‘awww’, and gave me the look generally reserved for when you see an elderly woman using the laundromat on Christmas Day.”
But things have changed. “These days, if anything, solo dining in an international city like Auckland is a sign of success,” he explains.
“People will assume you’re an important business person, a wealthy independent traveller or just somebody who doesn’t give a hoot what anyone else thinks. All of these qualify as worthy life goals.”
In fact, Mulligan has put quite a bit of thought into this — right down to the accessories you need to make you look like a serious solo diner.
“When I eat alone I bring a magazine (a phone makes you look boring, a book makes you look intense) and choose a spot at the bar to eat. Chances are you’ll barely be noticed. Plus you won’t have to share your dumplings, or stress about the expensive liquor everybody else but you is adding to the group bill.”
Mulligan adds that not all restaurants are created equal when it comes to solo dining, and recommends Pici, Onslow, Bar Celeste and Culprit.
Restaurant Association chief executive Marisa Bidois says solo dining has grown more popular over the last decade, particularly for working professionals and travellers.
In fact, some restaurants have even factored solo diners into the layout of their dining rooms, she says. “For example, bench-style dining, shared tables and single seats with good views across the restaurant for people-watching.”
Monsoon Poon in Wellington saw a rise in solo diners before Covid-19, and then again when businesspeople began travelling overseas, according to owner Mike Egan. He also pointed out that restaurants with counters or bars are more attractive to solo diners who might not like sitting at a table alone.
Owner and executive chef of Sidart Lesley Chandra says he sees a “fair amount” of solo diners in his Ponsonby restaurant.
“I think the most we’ve had in one night is probably three solo diners, in a week, probably about 10 solo diners,” he tells the Herald. “There’s a lot of people travelling for business, tourists as well. And some people that are real foodies.”
Chandra thinks the tasting menu appeals to lone diners, as well as the secluded and quiet atmosphere of the restaurant.
He and his staff take a slightly different approach to solo diners. “If they want to have a bit of a conversation and talk a bit more about the food and themselves we initiate that, and if they don’t, we kind of get the hint and leave them be.”
Chris Martin, who works alongside Ben Bayly at Origine and Ahi in Commercial Bay, says the concept of solo dining is one of their “favourite things”.
“Often couples or larger groups are very insistent about sitting in the restaurant. Like, we could have a beautiful table on one of our high-top leaners or our kitchen counter that, you know, overlooks the water or has a great view of the kitchen. It’s very interactive,” he tells the Herald.
“A lot of the time certain kinds of guests are really just not interested in that because they are a group, but we find that solo diners are actually more attracted to the bar or the bar leaners or the kitchen counter than the restaurant itself.”
Diners seated near one another at the bar often end up gravitating towards each other and chatting, which Martin likes to see. If a solo diner isn’t keen to chat, the signs are clear — their laptop is open, they’ll have a book in hand, or AirPods firmly in place.
Martin adds that it’s not so much “corporates” looking for a quick bite as it is “foodies” who are there for a luxury dining experience.
“If you’re coming in as a solo diner, you’re really coming in with a food or a beverage or a food story focus, and that’s what we like — we like to talk about what we all do for a living.”
He notes one regular in particular, a woman who dines at Origine weekly. “She’ll come in a couple of times a week and she’ll have a glass or two of a nice Chablis and she’ll have a French onion soup. Every single week,” he reveals.
“She’s lovely. We know her, she knows us, she knows where we’re going to seat her — it’s pretty much an unspoken thing now.”
If nothing else, dining alone might just be the perfect way to treat yourself, as well as a bit of a confidence boost.
As Mulligan notes, “what is worse, dining happy and alone or as part of a miserable couple?
“I’ve just realised that question works just as well if you substitute the word ‘dying’ for ‘dining’, and I think there’s probably something in that.”
Bethany Reitsma is an Auckland-based journalist covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2019. She specialises in telling Kiwis’ real-life stories, money-saving hacks and anything even remotely related to coffee.
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