It's the quality rather than the quantity of relationships that matters, experts say. Illustration / Bianca Bagnarelli, The New York Times
You don’t have to be the life of every party to reap the health benefits.
Considering all the research around socialising and longevity, some introverts can be forgiven for feeling doomed. People who have strong relationships generally live longer, and the unicorns known as “super-agers” — older adults who have the memory abilities of someone 20 years younger — tend to be especially outgoing. On the flip side, chronic loneliness raises the risk for cognitive decline and even early death.
But experts say it doesn’t take as much socialising to reap those longevity benefits as one might think, namely a few close ties and some everyday activities that facilitate contact with the wider world. It’s less about the sheer number of connections you have and more about what those connections do for you.
In other words, introverts don’t need to be the life of the party to have a long and healthy life.
Our relationships contribute to health and longevity in a few critical ways: they provide emotional support, cognitive stimulation, care during times of crisis, and motivation to have healthier habits. If your current relationships check those four boxes, you’re probably in pretty good shape. But if you’re missing one or two, it may be time to reevaluate your social network.
Not everybody needs “the same amount of social activity”, said Dr Ashwin Kotwal, an associate professor of medicine specialising in geriatrics at the University of California, San Francisco School of Medicine. “But getting some social activity is important.”
Emotional support typically comes from a few close friends or family members. You should feel comfortable confiding in these people and talking through important issues or dilemmas with them.
When people feel lonely, it is often this emotional support that they’re missing, Kotwal said. And that feeling can be bad for one’s health.
Experts think that one of the primary reasons loneliness is harmful is because it is inherently a stressful experience. Stress causes inflammation, and if someone is lonely for long stretches of time, it can lead to chronic inflammation. Long term, that increases the risk for heart disease, cancer, dementia and other diseases.
The same people who offer emotional support may also be the ones who make your day-to-day life a little easier, by providing a ride to the airport or dropping off a meal when you’re sick. That network becomes even more important when bigger issues arise, like the loss of a job or a serious health diagnosis.
“Who will respond to you in a crisis? Who’s there to help you if something goes wrong?” said Ken Stern, the author of Healthy to 100, a book about how social ties influence longevity.
According to Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, four to six close relationships is a good number to aim for. That way, you’re not too reliant on any one person.
Our relationships can also motivate us to take better care of our physical health. Research shows that people with supportive social networks are more likely to exercise and eat a healthier diet, as well as go to doctor appointments and take prescribed medications.
For some people, a spouse or grown children might play this motivational role; others may have a walking group or workout buddy who keeps them accountable.
The drive to be healthier can also come from within, Kotwal said. When you care about your social connections, “you want to do things that improve your health so that you can continue to participate”, he said. “You’re demonstrating the value of those relationships by taking care of yourself.”
The benefits mentioned above often depend on friends and family. But when it comes to mental stimulation, the experts recommend looking outside your home or tight-knit circles. That’s in part because conversations with strangers or loose acquaintances can require more of you cognitively.
“With your close ties, you can almost speak in code,” said Karen Fingerman, a professor in the department of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin. “I can say to my husband, ‘You remember that dinner in Paris?’ And he’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, yes, the snails!’”
“If I wanted to have that conversation with you,” she continued, “I have to use a great deal more language and cognitive stimulation. And you have to use more to understand it.”
The casual conversations you have at the grocery store, during your commute on the subway or at your local coffee shop can all provide this type of stimulation and be beneficial for health, Stern said.
Of course, a person’s subjective experience of their social life is important. If someone doesn’t feel lonely, even if they’re alone, they won’t have such a harmful stress response, Kotwal said.
But don’t use this as a reason to stay home. “I think there’s this misperception that simply because someone’s introverted that somehow they don’t need as much connection,” Holt-Lunstad said.
Instead, she advised, “focus on socialising in the context that you feel comfortable, rather than just not socialising at all”.
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.
Written by: Dana G. Smith
Illustration by: Bianca Bagnarelli
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