Sinead in the City is your insider's guide to millennial life in Auckland. If you're struggling to pay the bills or find love in the city of couples, you're not alone. Sinead is here to commiserate. Because whatever you're regretting, Sinead has probably done it twice.
There is no other question on a date that fills me with panic-dread quite like, "So tell me, what are your hobbies?"
Because here's the thing, I'm 26 and I don't have any. Not a single hob.
"You must have hobs, Sinead!" I hear you exclaim. "What do you do in your Spare Time?"
Don't worry about me guys, I have heaps. I am emotionally rich and fullfilled by 12 things I do in my Spare Time:
2. Scull wine
3. Sheet masks
4. Google Titanic conspiracy theories
5. Google Uber Eats promo code scams
6. Make outside plans with friends then cancel so I can stay in my dressing gown and talk to them on Facebook chat instead
7. Cry to Britain's Got Talent auditions where they hit the golden buzzer
8. Download meditation apps
9. Delete meditation apps
10. Work out how many different dinner combinations I can have with one box of crackers before I have to go to the supermarket
11. Look at my flaws in a magnifying mirror
12. Teach myself hiphop routines from YouTube in case I ever get challenged to a dance battle
I feel very fine about my choice of Spare Time Activities because I've asked around my fellow millennials and no one seems to have a single Real Hob.
I've mulled it over, and I think it's probably due to a combination of:
A) Millennial burnout, which describes how our generation has internalised the idea that we need to be working all the time or engaging in the never-ending pursuit of self-optimisation. Because we're all burnt to a crisp, the last thing we want to do after work is go play badminton when we just want to lie on the couch with a box of pizza Shapes.
B) No money. A $300 pottery course is way down the list of priorities, somewhere above health insurance but below bottomless brunches.
C) Too much good stuff on TV at the moment. Why leave the house ever when you can stay inside for free and leech off your ex-boyfriend's old flatmate's sister's Netflix account that they don't know you still use?
D) The self-care movement. Why do anything strenuous ever, when you could just hurl a Lush bathbomb in the tub, whack a soggy tissue mask over your mug, all the while listening to Brene Brown tell you to lean into your vulnerability, and call it self care?
The thing is, I am now dating a 36-year-old man who has about 36 Real Hobbies, like Bird Watching and Hot Yoga, it's truly obscene.
I think that's what must happen to single people in that decade between mid twenties to mid thirties - you stop holding your breath when you swipe your eftpos card in case it declines, you can finally afford furniture that's not just made of Kmart MDF and you get some Real Hobs to fill the emotional void / all the hours that would be taken up by your kids or wife.
If, like me, you are considering taking up a Real Hob this winter to feel like more of a well-rounded, interesting adult person - I have compiled a helpful list of Auckland Hob Options. You are welcome.
Pottery at Auckland Studio Potters
I know you basic b*tches love a ceramic bowl, and you can reinact that sexy scene from Ghost.
Drink wine and paint something hideous at Taste for Colour
I definitely wouldn't trust myself at something like this because I know I'd just get too cooked, but you should go. They always have GrabOne vouchers so keep ya eyes out.
Meditation course at the Auckland Buddhist Centre
I actually did this one time and genuinely loved it, 10/10 would recommend if you want to learn how to find your zen and not be a strung out maniac all the time.
OK Now Ladies dance class
Beyonce-inspired dance classes every Tuesday night, need I say more.
Or if you are not a lady, Swing dance class at Swing Out Central
I once went on a date with a swing dancer just because he was a swing dancer, need I say more?
Cooking class at Sachie's Kitchen
If you're bored of Pitango soups for one, this could be a go-er. And if you do go, please come over and cook me dinner because I truly can't stomach another night of Pitango.
Also if, like me, you decide you probably can't really be f*cked getting a hob (because there really is lots of good stuff on TV at the moment and it's probably too cold to leave the house now anyway) I wholeheartedly support you. Live your truth.