My eldest son and I have an inside joke about me "collecting extra kids" when we are out and about.
Don't worry, this is not a kidnapping thing, but rather it seems to happen that, whether I like it or not, while I am playing with my own kidsI will have several others join us along the way.
I tend to take a very active approach to parenting, largely because both of my boys demand that of me. So there I am, pretending to be a shark in the water or a monster hunting for the hidden children, but whatever the game may be, I almost always have a few other children join in.
I have spoken to other parents about this and it doesn't happen to them. So I think I must be doing something wrong.
I would like to make it very clear that I would never ever judge another parent for kicking back and checking their phone while their kids run around at a playground. I wish I could do that. I really do. My eldest child, however, has ADHD and if he is struggling in a situation, he needs me. As his "safe" person, he usually asks me to join in the play from the get-go and I have learnt that this produces the best outcome for him, so I do it.
Sure, I wish I could leisurely drink my coffee and chat with other parents, knowing my kids are "around somewhere" and a-OK, but I am needed, and that's okay.
My problem, therefore, is not having to be so hands on with my own kids, but the fact that other parents seem to think it is okay for me to supervise and entertain their kids too.
One mother sat watching at our local pool while her children joined our game and told me proudly how their "feet could touch the ground". Photo / Getty Images
If you're wondering what I'm talking about, just last week I took both kids to the pool. I got in with them, for both safety and fun reasons. We had brought some toys with us and were tossing them around and chasing them. Within a short space of time several kids were joining us, two of which were from the same family, their mother was sitting outside the pool watching.
She watched as her kids joined our game. Kept watching as they refused to give the toys back, going so far as to grab them out of my hands. And she kept on watching as her children regaled me with facts about how their "feet could touch the ground" even though they were "only three and a half". These were sweet kids who wanted a grown-up in the pool to play with them, so why did it end up being me?
Another time at a playground my kids invented a really cute game. My ADHD kid was a bit tense that day and so, when two other children came to join in he wasn't happy. I spent a long time playing peacemaker – while actively looking around for their parents to intervene – and eventually, we all played nicely together for a while. My children and I then moved to another area of the park, about 10m away. My newly acquired children followed. By now we were so far away I couldn't actually see any other adults. Finally, I spotted two people talking in the distance. For the next hour, these kids demanded that I "watch this" and "see how long I can hold on here" and I smiled politely while starting to seethe inside.
My own kids were starting to get really annoyed by the amount of my attention these kids were demanding of me. Eventually, I snapped when they ran up to me asking me to settle a fight between them. I said, very nicely, that I wasn't their mum and perhaps they should find their own parents to ask for help? They looked at me blankly so I instead told them to give each other a little space and it would sort itself out. A few minutes later the distant parents called out that it was time to go and they left.
This is a very familiar scene for me and my two boys, although I usually look more dishevelled than this lovely mum model. Photo / Getty Images
Other times I have inherited other people's children and been happy to do it as their caregivers asked me if it was okay. I looked after a few extra kids in the water at the beach as they were there with their elderly grandmother. She was very appreciative and it was nice to feel like I could help.
As I have said, I have nothing against the hands-off approach. It encourages individualism and resourcefulness. It also gives you time to catch up on emails, which is something we all need.
I am not a better parent than anyone else, I am just trying to do the best for my kids, one of whom demands a lot from me.
That is what makes me so fed up.
I am literally giving everything I have to support my child who struggles in so many ways, every single day, that I don't have the energy to actively engage with other people's children too.
On the outside, I probably appear to be happy to do it, but that is because I would never be rude to a small child who is trying to talk to me. How could I? I guess I also find it odd that these kids are so keen to latch on to a strange adult. My kids will make temporary friends of other kids at the park, but they have no interest whatsoever in other adults that are not their parents. Again, I wonder if this is a status quo I have unwittingly created.
