Saddle up folks, and dust off your fascinators - next Tuesday is the prestigious Melbourne Cup, but you don't need to actually be in Melbourne to celebrate.
The glitz and glamour of Melbourne's famous birdcage venue is being replicated at some of Auckland's fanciest hot spots, so you can get on the razz and Insta-story to your heart's content.
Here's my basic b*tch guide to Melbourne cup-ing in the 09.
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Soul Bar & Bistro
For just $195 (just hear me out, okay?) you get a four-course lunch and a glass of champs on arrival. Ok yes, $49 a course is quite steep - but it's the Melby Cup, baby. Plus - you go in to win a bunch of prizes so you're basically making money.
Looking for something a bit closer to Business Class than First? Don't worry - I got you.
Jump on a Lime and hoon down to:
Harbourside Ocean Bar Grill & Botswana Butchery
You still get a four course lunch and a flute of Champagne Mumm on arrival, but she's a bit cheaper at $175.
Plus - once the horses finish doing their thing you can get your groove on to the sweet beats of "DJ Murry Sweetpants" (whoever that is?).
OR - save an extra $20 bucks and zip to:
Regatta
For $150 you get a three-course lunch and a flute of champs on arrival - as well as on-site TAB facilities to blow your whole rent for the week.
But - if you happen to be a millionaire, swap your lime for a limo and cruise over to:
HeadQuarters
And get your millionaire-self a $300 "A Class" (A-lister) ticket - which gets ya unlimited Champagne Mumm until the end of the big race, a three-course meal and a goodie bag worth $250 - holler!
Boogie your lost bets away to a live performance by none other than iconic Kiwi band of the noughties, True Bliss.
Prizes will be awarded to the best-dressed couple, male, and female, so dress to impress.
But, if like me - you're the epitome of basic and are looking for a cheap-as-chips good time, nip up to:
Longroom
For just $120 you can go nuts on champs, cocktails, canapes and grazing tables.
See ya there, hons.