Every now and then, a toy comes home that makes you want to scream, writes Beck Vass.
We've survived drums (thanks, husband), and musical books and toys that were way too loud and played way too much, among other things.
But the latest kids' toy to do my head in is this.
It's a PJ Masks "learning" watch based on the kids animation series. And I say "learning" because any learning that goes on with this thing is minimal at best.
There are a few basic games, which essentially makes it another screen for them to get addicted to.
This device entered our home because our boy, 4, had a watch that he insisted on taking to daycare. Like many things that go in to daycare when they aren't meant to, his watch did not come home.
He was sad, but accepted the watch was gone because he hadn't looked after it properly.
Months later we found ourselves in The Warehouse shopping for a birthday present when he saw the PJ Masks watch.
He asked for it and I explained that he couldn't have it.
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After a week of him talking about the watch, I remembered the kids each had $30 vouchers that needed to be used.
With much excitement, we counted down the sleeps until a day he didn't have daycare and finally, he had his watch.
The watch had been in our lives just five minutes and I already hated it.
VTech, if you're going to make a toy targeted at toddlers, at least make one that stays on. The straps of this thing are undone very easily:
Within an hour, I'd been asked to put the watch back on 50 times. It kept falling off.
Then our daughter, 6, wanted to use her voucher on a PJ Masks watch, so we had two of them.
Is there no mercy?
Our boy took his watch to daycare. They are not meant to take toys to daycare, but I was hoping it wouldn't return so I let him.
Some of the other kids got PJ Masks watches.
Then, daycare had a problem with the watches.
The kids' behaviour became crazy when they wore them. They were acting like ninjas and being chaotic, like in the PJ Masks cartoon. Some children didn't have watches (lucky parents!) so there were some issues around that. So they were banned (yay!).
But then, as some sort of sick revenge, the daycare teachers made paper PJ Masks watches so all the children could have them.
That paper watch became more precious to our boy than the annoying actual watch.
Then our baby (10 months) ate the paper watch. More tears. Will it ever end?!
Last week, the alarm on the watch began sounding every two minutes.
I use the oven alarm all the time or I forget everything. It's quite stressful hearing alarms going that frequently in your house.
Have I left an element or the iron on? Or worse - a bottle of wine in the freezer?
The final straw came at 5am the other morning, when I was woken by yet another alarm sounding.
He'd set the alarm on the ******* watch.
Now, the most bizarre thing has happened. We can't find the PJ Masks watches anywhere. You kids must have left them somewhere. Keep looking, I'm sure you'll find them soon.