The wellness industry is booming. We are drinking fermented drinks for our gut health and seeking out alternative medicine options like never before.

Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of yoga and I like eating healthy foods.

It makes me feel good. Healthy. And you know, better than people who don't like those things. Yum, the smugness of privilege.

That's what it is. Privilege. And it doesn't need to be.


We don't need to be charging crazy amounts for fruit and veg and then $2 for a cheeseburger, we just are.

We keep paying $25 for somebody else to smash our avocados.

We are enabling this cycle. It makes us feel good. We are self-caring. We are Gwyneth. We are too busy, important, lazy to make it ourselves. Me too guys, guilty as hell.

Salad rebranding itself as a 'bowl' is the smartest thing anyone in PR has ever done.

Nobody really wants salad. Everybody wants something called a 'Buddha Bowl' or a 'Poke Bowl'.

Ingredients? Seasonal vegetables, maybe some quinoa, nuts, protein of your choosing, leafy greens drizzled with tahini.

Well, that sounds very much like a salad you used to charge $8 for, Sir.

"Nope it's a bowl."


"No a bowl is a ceramic receptacle for food, such as this salad you are charging $23 for."

You can make your own bowl! You can even make it on a plate! The internet will teach you how to cook. (If you don't have the internet, get it, it's great, it'll change your life — would recommend)

Celery cleanses are the next big thing about to break free from the realm of health nerds and enter into the great general consciousness.

Great! I can juice some celery and drink it on an empty stomach before I start my day, sounds lovely.

Or I can buy some celery juice for just under $10.

Celery. Just celery, but it's more wet now and you won't have to chew. $10. Celery. Ten. Dollars. For some wet celery.

Maybe once in a while we can smash our own avocados. Photo / Getty Images
Maybe once in a while we can smash our own avocados. Photo / Getty Images

I paid $6 extra for a schmear of avo once. For $6 right now I could buy 3 full avocados from my local green grocer (yes I go to the green grocer not the supermarket, I've made it clear that I'm Gwyneth thank you).

The same place was charging $10 for a date slice. Dates in a blender with some cocoa powder sliced up and parading as a dessert (Honestly it was pretty yum but I know how to make that damn slice and it costs around about one sneeze).

Of course cafes need to pay their overheads. I'm here for you small businesses, thanks for letting me loiter and write in you.

You are wonderful but people shouldn't be intimidated by the price of healthy foods.

Let's up the education and teach kids to make kombucha in schools (then have them deliver it to me because I love that tangy sweet delicious gut health).

Let's encourage mates to cook and learn together in their houses.

Every once in a while, hell, let's smash our own avocados.

Maybe once in a while we can smash our own avocados guys. Photo / Getty Images
Maybe once in a while we can smash our own avocados guys. Photo / Getty Images