By Rachel Grunwell

That 'F' word is hard to say, I know. Not the swear word, but 'forgiveness'.

When we get hurt, it's normal to feel pain, anger, hurt, frustration, even rage. I get it. I've been there. Lots. And yes, I've lashed out over unkindness many times.

I'm human. I've perfected that pout and know how to throw a decent tantrum. My tantrums used to be worse than those displayed by Miss Piggy from The Muppets (now I'm showing my age!) Man, I was a diva. We all can be though, let's be honest.
But I've learnt how you can use hurt for learning instead.


Don't get me wrong, don't be a doormat and let people hurt you and not give a stuff. Be staunch and stand up for yourself when you need to. Avoid people with unkind intentions too, of course. But I've learnt that 'where energy flows, energy goes'.

So next time you feel hurt, learn from the situation and instead of putting your energy into hate and anger, put it into a different and positive direction instead. Move on ...

A lot of people get 'stuck' in 'woe-is-me-mentality'. They focus on their hurt and anger and that gets them nowhere. Worse still, they set out on a path of revenge or manipulation.

You will get nowhere fast if you fuel all your energy into anger and hate.

Instead fuel your energy and focus on different stuff that actually matters, people you care about, and striving to be the best you. This propels you forwards in life.

Successful people focus on what matters, what's important, and how they can get ahead.

Successful people don't spend too long wallowing in their own 'pity party'. They don't stay stuck in a bad situation for too long. They get the hell out of that crappy-as mental space.

Think of a person today you can say 'I forgive you' to. Do it now. Do it authentically.


These words are for them, but also for you too. This will free your energy more than you can imagine. You'll also show you are doing this 'adulting' thing okay. After all, we teach our kids that forgiveness matters in the world. So let's lead by our actions and show others that positive energy and forgiveness is about being smarter.

• Rachel is a wellness expert who coaches clients to crush goals like losing weight, getting fitter and feeling happier. She teaches mindfulness strategies to corporates to give them a competitive advantage in the work place.
• Follow her via InspiredHealthNZ's website,
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