NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Five types of people you'll meet at weekend sports this winter

By Ruth Spencer
Canvas·
25 May, 2018 08:00 PM3 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

There are certain types of parents cheering on their kids on the sidelines. Photo / Getty Images

There are certain types of parents cheering on their kids on the sidelines. Photo / Getty Images

Opinion

It's so cold your breath is coming in visible coffee-scented clouds like a hipster's vape.
It's raining but not quite enough for them to call it off, damn it. It's another winter Saturday and time to drag your kid from the bed you had to drag them into seven hours
ago and chuck them on to a sports field. Honestly, you're the real MVP [most valuable player]. Here are five people you meet at winter sports games.

The Genuine Concern

He's worried about everyone, particularly the ref. "What's wrong with ya?" he cries anxiously. "Still asleep, mate?" he frets at people who are not only awake but running around a frosty paddock. Perhaps he's confused by the stripy tops, which look a bit like pyjamas. He is so deeply concerned for everyone's wellbeing that it makes everyone else nervous too. "Whaddareya?" he yells caringly, to which, of course, there is no answer.

Mama Bear Grylls

Setting out her folding stool, she unscrews the lid of her cheetah-print double-walled stainless steel bottle and a cloud of steam curls out, fogging the lenses of her sleek little Kathmandu binoculars. She has a Blunt umbrella by her side and a shivery little dog cowering in the folds of her minky knee-rug. The people behind can't see past her pop-up shelter but no one says anything because they're curious as to what else she might have in her bag. Solar-powered kettle? Swiss Army baguette knife? She's ready to watch some netball or defeat ISIS, whichever is necessary.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The Virtual Reality

He's so engrossed in the action that he's no longer aware of the fact that he's not playing. Jerking spasmodically in time to the kicks and tackles, he prowls the sideline, eyes locked on the game. He follows the action up and down the field as though attached by an invisible wire, one that seems to be connected to an invisible electric fence. He's never sure why he's so sweaty after a match — but he's looking pretty fit for his age.

The Highlights Package

A chilly red thumb scrolls endlessly. "Why don't more people post on a Saturday morning?" she grumbles, hitting share on a Minions meme. A noise yanks her head up and she yells "Go Jaden!" at someone who may or not be related to her, they all look the same in those tops. But it was the half-time whistle and she shoves her phone in her pocket. False alarm, they're heading down the field for the oranges, so she pulls it back out. One like on the Minion meme. Pathetic.

The Analyst

Research shows that the bit of winter sports kids hate most is the post-match breakdown in the car on the way home. He's read that article but he knows that his analysis is different and will definitely result in vast improvement. Solely due to his advice, his kid will be the next Richie, or Lydia, or Valerie — someone, anyway, who can support his retirement with Weet-Bix endorsements. So he watches carefully, taking mental notes. They must be mental notes, as they're going to drive his kid mental all the way home.

Discover more

Entertainment

Artists in residence: Where artists find their happy place

18 May 05:00 PM
Lifestyle

Electric Chicken, a beer party and deep-fried apple pie

25 May 02:24 AM
Lifestyle

The diet nutritionists are going nuts for

24 May 09:45 PM
Opinion

What to eat this weekend: Grown-up pizzas and boozy desserts

01 Jun 12:32 AM
Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

For the love of bread: Why Orewa locals are queuing up at Romeo's

05 Jul 02:01 AM
Lifestyle

From the beat to the beauty pageant: West Auckland cop named Miss Universe NZ

05 Jul 01:00 AM
Lifestyle

School holidays dragging on? Try this fun kitchen activity for kids

05 Jul 12:00 AM

Sponsored: Get your kids involved in your reno

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
For the love of bread: Why Orewa locals are queuing up at Romeo's

For the love of bread: Why Orewa locals are queuing up at Romeo's

05 Jul 02:01 AM

Diogo Riedi's grandmother taught him to make bread in a wood-fired oven in Brazil.

From the beat to the beauty pageant: West Auckland cop named Miss Universe NZ

From the beat to the beauty pageant: West Auckland cop named Miss Universe NZ

05 Jul 01:00 AM
School holidays dragging on? Try this fun kitchen activity for kids

School holidays dragging on? Try this fun kitchen activity for kids

05 Jul 12:00 AM
Boss Babe to Bali bride: Iyia Liu’s $120K clifftop nuptials

Boss Babe to Bali bride: Iyia Liu’s $120K clifftop nuptials

04 Jul 11:00 PM
Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper
sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP