NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Paul Little: How we can all grow great kids

By Paul Little
Herald on Sunday·
22 Oct, 2016 08:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

The best thing you can do for a child who is exhibiting attention-seeking behaviour is give him or her attention. Photo / 123RF

The best thing you can do for a child who is exhibiting attention-seeking behaviour is give him or her attention. Photo / 123RF

Opinion by Paul LittleLearn more

Last week I a wrote about how violence between and against children seems to be increasingly normalised and accepted as just one of those things.

A friend responded by suggesting that instead of merely banging on about the problem I should try to present some solutions.

I think he was coming from a place of "media are only interested in the negative". There's a reason for that: the positive doesn't need fixing.

But it was a good idea.

I don't usually do requests but it seemed worth finding out what else could be done to protect young people from each other and adults with a very small repertories of ways for dealing with conflict.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

So I went looking and it turns out there is quite a lot that can be done, especially for children.

And once you fix the kids, you get fewer violent adults down the track.

Best of all, most of the remedies are free or low-cost so they wouldn't even eat into that $1.8 billion surplus that was briefly waved under our noses last week before being tucked away to fund election-year tax cuts.

Fostering young people's self-respect.

When you respect other people, it's less likely you'll try to sort out your differences by thumping them.

Discover more

Opinion

What Prince George really said in Canada

07 Oct 04:00 PM
Opinion

Paul Little: How to care for your mayor

08 Oct 04:00 PM
Opinion

Paul Little: Violence against kids is not okay

15 Oct 04:00 PM
Opinion

Paul Little: A judicious review

05 Nov 04:00 PM

But you can't respect other people unless you respect yourself.

The old saw where two blokes who have knocked the bejesus out of each other end up shaking hands and expressing their mutual respect?

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

That's not real respect. That's codswallop.

Research shows that young people who are good at things are less likely to turn into the sort of people who lash out with their fists.

So it's important to give kids lots of genuine praise.

This does not mean awarding certificates for participation - even they can see through that.

But it does mean helping them find something they can do that will be worth a certificate.

Ban boxing.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

How the practice of encouraging men - and, increasingly, women - to hit each other repeatedly for the entertainment of others came to be seen as a way of giving them a sense of worth is an enigma at best.

Ending the practice would be a very clear signal that violence is unacceptable no matter how you dress it up as being for a good cause.

Have parents, and a few more people.

Studies show that children need at least five caring, compassionate adults as a regular presence in their lives in order to grow into emotionally mature human beings.

Teach empathy.

Children know what it is to get hurt and it's not hard to get them to understand that what they don't like, other people won't like either.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

That other people feel the same as we do is nevertheless something that doesn't always come naturally.

Demonstrate non-violent behaviour and ways of resolving conflict.

Kids who grow up around violence do not get the chance to learn the alternatives.

This is one reason why the anti-smacking law will have a powerful effect - a generation is growing up for whom hitting children will be aberrant behaviour.

Give them lots of attention.

The best thing you can do for a child who is exhibiting attention-seeking behaviour is give him or her attention.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

It's a perfectly legitimate aim and kids who don't' get enough attention end up feeling they're not taken seriously, which leads to frustration and resorting to non-verbal ways of having an effect on the world.

I don't know how popular these suggestions will be, as many come under the heading of "politically correct".

But what people tend to forget about that label is that half of it is the word "correct".

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Lifestyle

Is the McRib returning to NZ? Macca's addresses rumour after eagle-eyed Kiwis spot error

11 Jul 07:27 AM
Premium
Lifestyle

'It's not about being powerless': Experts explain submissive kink amid Sabrina Carpenter backlash

11 Jul 07:00 AM
Premium
Lifestyle

I’m a longevity doctor. These are my daily habits to stay young

11 Jul 06:00 AM

Get your kids involved in your reno

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Is the McRib returning to NZ? Macca's addresses rumour after eagle-eyed Kiwis spot error

Is the McRib returning to NZ? Macca's addresses rumour after eagle-eyed Kiwis spot error

11 Jul 07:27 AM

Eyebrows were raised when the cult favourite began showing up on kiosks in-store.

Premium
'It's not about being powerless': Experts explain submissive kink amid Sabrina Carpenter backlash

'It's not about being powerless': Experts explain submissive kink amid Sabrina Carpenter backlash

11 Jul 07:00 AM
Premium
I’m a longevity doctor. These are my daily habits to stay young

I’m a longevity doctor. These are my daily habits to stay young

11 Jul 06:00 AM
How tinned fish became the star of dining trends

How tinned fish became the star of dining trends

11 Jul 12:00 AM
Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper
sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP