NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

<i>Deborah Coddington:</i> Tales of bad manners and bitchy babes

By Deborah Coddington
Herald on Sunday·
24 Jan, 2009 03:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Opinion by

KEY POINTS:

I worry about some people who read this column. They are probably the same people who declare they never believe anything they read in newspapers, and are not interested in the gossip columns, but their behaviour belies their words.

Just before Christmas I wrote a column lamenting
my dear horse's transference of affection from me to the new bay mare we have acquired for my husband to ride. I deliberately wrote the first few paragraphs to mislead the reader - it initially looked as if it were my husband who'd been lured away by the charms of a younger, fitter, and saucier lady.

And judging by the feedback, that's what many readers believed. Either they didn't read far enough, or they didn't read properly. No matter, my friends tell me their phone lines were red hot with the gossipmongers wanting the full story.

Has he left her? How's she coping? Who's the other woman?

It's amusing, and some inquirers were genuinely concerned, with one or two ready to organise a bounty on the QC's head. But what really interested me was the number of women who've never met me, but conveyed a sense of "that will learn her!" schadenfreude.

Their badly disguised delight that I might have been dumped, and left in lonely misery, seemed to make them happy. Is this how they react to anyone's misfortune, or do my polarising columns set them off?

Well, I hate to spoil their fun, but for the record, I'm still blissfully happily married, and intend to remain in that state for the next 50 years.

This strange attitude reminds me of that sad bitterness which afflicts some people when they see an extremely beautiful woman (it's usually a woman) walk into a room.

Instead of celebrating the fact that a human can look gorgeous (and I don't mean the botox, gym-bunny, rich-bitch blondes whose grotesque self-love cancels out any smidgeon of beauty), they turn aside and sneer, "who does she think she is?"

If they tried the opposite tack - telling the person how wonderful she looks - they might find it gives them as much pleasure.

At Wellington Cup Day last year I'd watched a woman of about 65 who was beautifully groomed and serene as a swan, before I finally plucked up courage to tell her how much I admired the way she presented herself.

She was thrilled, and told me she'd spent all the morning dressing her disabled husband, she'd not had time to spend on her own appearance. It made her day to get a random compliment from a complete stranger.

Human behaviour never fails to render me speechless, which is how the TSB Arena staff in Wellington should have been on Tuesday night at the Leonard Cohen concert. I've waited 38 years to see Cohen in concert, and we paid good money to hear three hours of the legend singing and reciting his poetry. But would the ushers shut up? Not blimmin' likely, especially when Sam Hunt was on stage before Cohen came on.

This is a terrible venue at the best of times, but the rude people who arrived late and then brayed to each other at the bar just outside the open doors made it impossible to concentrate on Hunt's performance.

Then when these disrespectful and thoughtless patrons decided to grace the audience with their presence, the staff yabbered away in loud voices at the doorway, prompting numerous complaints. Not that they cared - "no we weren't" was one response to a patron telling them, gently, that they might stop making so much noise.

And what has happened to the modern Kiwi bladder? People were going in and out, back and forth, from 7.30 when Hunt came on, until 11.30 when Cohen finally allowed the cheering crowd to let him retire. Ban the ubiquitous water bottle.

If men and women can't last four hours without a toilet stop, then they'll have to go thirsty.

I think the human race is losing all vestige of manners. You'll know what I mean when I talk about the couple from hell as they pick away at each other with minor criticisms and deathly insults, delivered in front of everyone as if for effect.

Their lives are a misery, so like the catty women who got a momentary thrill out of thinking my marriage had collapsed, they get their jollies from making other people miserable.

Why they stay together is one of life's eternal mysteries, along with other puzzles like the silly clothes golfers wear, non-kink hoses that always kink, cats which jump on the laps of the one person who hates cats, and if you've read this properly, I'm sure you can send me other examples.

Discover more

New Zealand

Your Reviews of Leonard Cohen at the Vector Arena

22 Jan 09:21 PM
Lifestyle

'Warlike' ambition the domain of blondes

18 Jan 10:00 PM
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Lifestyle

'So raw and blistered': Parents claim Huggies nappies cause rashes, company denies fault

Premium
Lifestyle

‘Women get gaslit a lot’: 10 menopause myths the experts can’t stand

Lifestyle

Aussie influencer debuts romance with Kiwi rugby star boyfriend


Sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

'So raw and blistered': Parents claim Huggies nappies cause rashes, company denies fault
Lifestyle

'So raw and blistered': Parents claim Huggies nappies cause rashes, company denies fault

Huggies say they monitor complaints closely, urge parents to contact them directly.

16 Jul 12:01 AM
Premium
Premium
‘Women get gaslit a lot’: 10 menopause myths the experts can’t stand
Lifestyle

‘Women get gaslit a lot’: 10 menopause myths the experts can’t stand

16 Jul 12:00 AM
Aussie influencer debuts romance with Kiwi rugby star boyfriend
Lifestyle

Aussie influencer debuts romance with Kiwi rugby star boyfriend

15 Jul 11:29 PM


Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper
Sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

01 Jul 04:58 PM
NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP