Five experts and parents offer their take on the divisive parenting conundrum. Photo / Getty Images
The appropriate age for a child to be given their first mobile phone is a contentious decision for parents, dependent on both parenting style and child maturity.
When the time does come for them to have one of their own, how can you best guard your child against the dangers of excessive screen time, while encouraging them to put it to good use?
Here, five experts and parents offer their take on the divisive parenting conundrum.
‘Social media algorithms create a divisive atmosphere ripe for damage, suicide, abuse, judgment, isolation and distress’
Sue Fennessy, founder and CEO of WeAre8, the world’s only sustainable social media platform, backed by former England footballer Rio Ferdinand
My boys (aged 18, and twins, 15) didn’t have phones until they were 14 and 13, respectively. Yes, they thought I was a terrible mother and yes, I was wading against the tide but I’d done my research into the algorithms and the evidence was shocking: the devices are creating a divisive atmosphere ripe for damage, suicide, abuse, judgment, isolation and distress.
I feel that we’ve been living in a social experiment, for which we’re only now seeing the damage. We are still in Version 1 of a new reality, and longer-lasting effects are only likely to be seen further down the line.
I’m fortunate in that my children chose, voluntarily, to delete TikTok and Instagram; they keep Snapchat for communication purposes. Even so, we’ve taught them that small interactions can make a huge difference – not only in miserable ways ... but also for good.
There’s no point in trying to ignore the existence of phones and social media – they are here to stay – but if we can harness their immense potential for good, it’s better than burying your head in the sand, or banning your children from using them.
The entry into secondary school seems, to me, to be the ideal time to introduce phone usage – not only because of the social and safety reasoning, but also because it’s an age where you can encourage your children to see the potential for greatness, rather than gossip, that they hold in the palms of their hands.
‘Striking a balance between setting limits on phone usage and granting autonomy for upcoming adulthood is delicate’
Danielle Baron, child psychologist, educator, coach and founder of DIVEINC
I’d only give my child a phone when necessary and they’ve reached an age of short periods alone or walking home from school. To ensure we can always talk, I chose a contract that ensures my daughter always has sufficient credit for calling or texting me: after depleting her Wi-Fi quota, she can still contact me.
I’m familiar with the iPhone and its settings, which is why my 14-year-old has one. This means I’m well-acquainted with the device and therefore can maximise her safety. Striking a balance between setting limits on phone usage and granting autonomy for upcoming adulthood is delicate. If I notice any concerns, like her staying up late due to phone use, I’ll put in measures such as taking her phone away at 7pm.
Drawing from my background as a psychologist, I’m aware of the addictive dopamine-triggering nature of phones. Vigilance is vital for child safety.
You want to grant children some freedom. I’ve also seen the adverse effects of overly controlling parenting. A healthy balance is key. For me, the sweet spot is the first year of secondary school, when children need to be more independent academically and manage their schedules. My older daughter uses her phone for school-related tasks through the school app, which solidifies the argument for her to have a device of her own.
‘Phones help children align with their peers, which can be positive for mental health’
Dr Lawrence Cunningham, medical contributing editor at UK Care Guide and retired GP
It’s a personal decision, dependent on parental attitudes and child maturity. That said, I’d allow a child of mine to have a phone – for safety reasons, but also to help them align with their peers, which can be positive for mental health. In my experience, the ideal age for a first phone is around 11 to 12 years old. It’s an age when many start travelling to school independently, so phones are useful communication tools.
Even so, screen time boundaries and teaching children to use their phones responsibly are crucial. From a professional standpoint, I’ve witnessed the effects of unrestricted access to technology on children’s health, such as staying up late playing games or chatting online, leading to sleep disturbances.
Excessive screen time can also affect social skills development. Face-to-face interactions are vital for learning social cues and expressions. In practice, I’ve noticed that children who spend a lot of time on their phones often struggle with real-life social interactions.
A report by the World Health Organisation has also highlighted a link between high levels of sedentary behaviour – such as extensive screen time – with obesity risk in children.
‘The latest version of a phone is unnecessary – it just makes them a target for theft’
Hamid Bangura (Instagram – @aclassfitness) – personal trainer, performance coach and youth mentor
As a father of three daughters, I wouldn’t allow my children to have a phone before they started secondary school. This is when they’ll have more time unsupervised, so I think it’s important to be able to connect with them and check in on their whereabouts.
I don’t think the latest version of a phone is necessary – this will just make them a target for theft. That said, it’s up to us, as parents, to help our children to be streetwise: don’t walk along the street with your phone out; don’t let your phone distract you from your surroundings, and so on.
I think it’s important to foster trust with your children so I wouldn’t impose limitations in the first instance: I’d want to see how they get on without parental controls. If they were spending too much time online, I’d intervene – and I’d definitely caution them against lying about their age to access sites such as Snapchat and TikTok.
At the same time, I’m conscious that many parents, including myself, are reliant upon social media platforms to raise their professional profiles, so honest conversations need to be had, so that it’s not a case of “do as I say, not as I do”. We all know how addictive phones can be, and young people haven’t necessarily gained the skills to self-regulate yet. If I confiscate a phone because of overuse, I want them to understand – at least eventually – that it’s not a punishment: it’s care.
‘Before 13, all children need is a device to let them text and call’
Rachel Barber-Mack, executive director of Media Smart
Most social media platforms have a minimum age of 13, so there’s no reason for a child under this age to have a smartphone – all they need is a device that allows them to text, call and, in some cases, use WhatsApp.
Of course, parents are going to be subjected to the “But all my friends …” argument, but you’ll have that about everything, from trainers to bedtime: this is no different. My child is currently 7 and he, and most of his peers, use tablets and iPads. I think it’s important to set boundaries about usage, regardless of how much access they have to apps and the net, if only for their eyes and brain health.
Some parents I know, for instance, have the “one charge” rule, whereby their child can use a device until it runs out of battery: then, both child and device must recharge.
Would I allow my child to have a phone? Yes, but I’d put it off for as long as possible. I’ll allow my son to have a phone when he goes to secondary school, because it will signify a new phase of freedom for him. In the meantime, we use walkie-talkies on holiday, and Apple AirTags in bigger settings, for safety and communication.
There’s only so much we can blame social media for. It’s also up to schools and parents to caution, instruct and set boundaries. If children aren’t on apps for which they’re underage, they won’t be exposed to inappropriate content.
I think – both personally and professionally – that it’s incumbent upon us to teach our children critical literacy skills. What have you read? How much truth is in it? Question everything. Fact check. Examine other sources. Then have open discussions and come to your own conclusions.
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