NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Matt Heath: Putting in the miles on the tough road of fatherhood

Matt Heath
By Matt Heath
Newstalk ZB Afternoons host·NZ Herald·
5 Sep, 2021 05:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

The correct thing to do as a father is to retire unbeaten, never to race him again. Photo / 123RF

The correct thing to do as a father is to retire unbeaten, never to race him again. Photo / 123RF

Matt Heath
Opinion by Matt Heath
Newstalk ZB Afternoons host
Learn more

OPINION:

My son humiliated me last week. It ended an era of sporting dominance I will never relive.

When you become a dad, you know your son will one day surpass you. Holding your beautiful baby boy for the first time, you think two things: "I've never loved something so much in my life" and "This guy is here to take my place".

That's why a father works hard to impress his son early.

You throw him dangerously high, chuck balls at him hard and carry the shopping in from the car in one go. It is also essential you run faster than your offspring. My son and I started jogging together when he was 10. I'd put serious distance on him. I'd set a strong pace early and then destroy him in the last kilometre. The trick is to get home far enough ahead you can hide your puffing. I'd round the final corner, gun it home, hit the recovery position for a minute, compose myself and then calmly check the mail as he stumbled in.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Boy, was he impressed: "Dad, you're not even breathing hard."

It's all about creating the illusion you are someone to respect. It gives a young man something to aspire to.

A good dad smashes his kids at board games, stone skimming and burps. You must drive golf balls further and put more food in your mouth.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

I'll do anything to impress my kids. I eat whole apples in two bites. I break wind into their bedrooms from the hallway and shut the door on them. Dads need to do higher bombs, wear fewer clothes in the cold and order spicier food than anyone else in the family. Unconditional love and pretending to be excellent are the cornerstones of good parenting.

Of course, It's only a matter of time before you get found out.

Discover more

Opinion

Fran O'Sullivan: Collins is flailing closer to politics' death zone

03 Sep 05:00 PM
Opinion

Steven Joyce: Give us hope, then a plan out of Covid

03 Sep 05:00 PM
Markets

Opinion: Learning to live with lockdown — this time, investors get it right

03 Sep 11:00 PM
Opinion

Gavin Oliver: Tourism needs Govt support to bounce back from Covid

05 Sep 05:00 PM

In the past year, my son has surpassed me in height, defeated me in a press-up competition and eaten two family pies in one sitting. Worse still, our dog Colin has started following him around the house instead of me. My boy has also been winning our bi-weekly runs. Luckily I've had a calf injury, so it doesn't count.

My leg came right last week, so I decided to make a stand and challenge my boy to a 5km race. Not a friendly jog, a time trial. We would run around the block until our apps told us 5km was up. This ultimate race for family superiority was scheduled for 8pm last Monday.

When the time came, it was a bit cold and rainy, so I requested a postponement. After being labelled a chicken and losing the toss, I headed off into a thunderstorm. My pace was good; my form excellent. Lightning crashed, and thunder rumbled as I powered through the torrential rain to a solid 25-minute 5k finish. Back home, I yelled "game on" before collapsing in the hallway gasping for air.

My son calmly downed his 4th post-dinner toasted sandwich and headed out into the wet.

I waited and waited for him to return, and then the unexpected happened. I won. Twenty-five minutes rolled around, and my boy wasn't back. I celebrated the victory by sitting upright for the first time. He finally finished in a pathetic 34 mins. Victory dad. Not that he seemed to care. He simply gave me a hug, grabbed a plate of cereal and headed off to his room, leaving his phone on the table.

Something didn't seem right. This win was too good to be true. How had I beaten him by 10 minutes?

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

I checked his Strava running app. The idiot had it set to miles instead of kilometres. He had been running 1.6km for every one kilometre of mine. He ran 8k instead of 5 at an impressive 4 mins 20 a kilometre. Much further and much faster than me, and he didn't even notice he was doing it. He wasn't even puffing. The boy had well and truly surpassed me. Our dog Colin was right to follow him.

The years had caught up with me. It was time to do the right thing - retire unbeaten, never to race him again.

Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

From Jacinda Ardern to Air NZ: 32 of the best lifestyle and entertainment stories of the year so far

19 Jun 10:00 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

How I learned to stop stressing and just have people over for dinner

19 Jun 06:00 PM
Premium
TalanoaUpdated

How a young widow's blog became a beacon of hope for others

19 Jun 05:00 PM

Help for those helping hardest-hit

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
From Jacinda Ardern to Air NZ: 32 of the best lifestyle and entertainment stories of the year so far

From Jacinda Ardern to Air NZ: 32 of the best lifestyle and entertainment stories of the year so far

19 Jun 10:00 PM

While you enjoy a long weekend break, catch up on some of the best stories of 2025 so far.

Premium
How I learned to stop stressing and just have people over for dinner

How I learned to stop stressing and just have people over for dinner

19 Jun 06:00 PM
Premium
How a young widow's blog became a beacon of hope for others

How a young widow's blog became a beacon of hope for others

19 Jun 05:00 PM
Auckland cafe to close after 70 years following rates dispute settlement

Auckland cafe to close after 70 years following rates dispute settlement

19 Jun 05:00 PM
Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi
sponsored

Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP